Passengers Rush To Arriving Train’s Doors Like Rat Babies Nursing At Mother’s Teats

CHICAGO-Packing as closely together as possible to avoid losing their spots on the platform, passengers at the Chicago Transit Authority's Clark and Division station reportedly rushed to an arriving train's doors Friday like rat babies nursing at their mother's teats.

Sources confirmed that as the riders gathered before the slowing train's doors, they instinctively huddled in place as if they were pink, hairless pups clambering onto their mother's breasts for nourishment. Several reports indicated that as they jockeyed to the front, the stronger passengers secured themselves a spot inside the crowded train, much like the healthiest newborn rats securing themselves plentiful, nourishing rodent milk. However, bystanders revealed that weaker customers were swiftly pushed to the side in the manner of blind starvelings left to expire out in the cold due to their failure to feed.

Witnesses later confirmed the subway doors were repeatedly closing in the faces of the riders like an exhausted rat mother batting away her hungry offspring in an attempt to get some time to herself.

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