Report: It Probably Fine That 5-Year-Old Just Whizzed By On Lyft Scooter

LOS ANGELES-Stressing that it wasn't their problem and theycertainly didn't have the time or energy to investigate further, the authors of a report released Thursday found that it was probably fine that a 5-year-old just whizzed by on a Lyft scooter. Nobody else on the street seems to be freaking out or anything, and look, I don't even know what the agerestrictions are on those scooters, so maybe she meets the minimum requirements or something," said lead researcher Amanda Powell, confirming that she was pretty sure you needed a phone to activate the scooter, so there was probably a parent or older sibling nearby. The kid obviously knows what she's doing-I mean, look at how fast she's weaving in and out of the crowd. And anyway, even if it was a problem, what would I even do about it? Chase after her? She's so far away at this point that it wouldn't even be possible. Besides, I'm in a big hurry." At press time, sources confirmed the distant sounds of honking horns followed by screeching tires and a loud crash could be literally anything.

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