Fact-Checking Trump On Crime

President Donald Trump has claimed that crime is out of control" in the nation's capital and beyond. The Onion assesses the veracity of the president's claims.

Claim: D.C. has endured a record amount of robberies.

Partially true: Some places in Georgetown sell a cup of coffee for $9.

Claim: Chicago, New York, and Los Angeles are crime-ridden cesspools.

False: These cities are safe, vibrant cesspools.

Claim: The National Guard is being deployed to crack down on crime.

False: The National Guard is being deployed to give Stephen Miller an erection.

Claim: Just last week, a high-ranking politician was shot in the head at a D.C. theater.

False: Trump is mixing up last week with April 14, 1865.

Claim: Violent foreigners traveled to D.C. to savagely beat Americans.

False: The UFC fight on the White House South Lawn isn't until next year.

Claim: Basically anything.

False: False" continues to be a very safe assumption to make.

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