Yet More Aquatic Escape Attempts
In no particular order:
- Wilmington, NC (Aug. 25): A man fleeing from police stopped his car on a bridge over the Cape Fear River, got out, and jumped in. How much time did this buy him? Well, the chase started at 2 a.m., and the article reporting his arrest was posted at 3:53 a.m., so you be the judge. Pro: Gave a bored reporter on the night shift something to do. Con: The chase started on a different bridge over the same river, so he could have just jumped in there and saved everybody the hassle. In fact, the bridge he jumped from is less than a mile upriver, so it's possible he was arrested after floating back to where the chase started in the first place.
- San Rafael, CA (Aug. 6): A suspected burglar seen on a homeowner's security camera was located in a nearby creek by a sheriff's drone team, according to the report. Pro: Creeks aren't deep, no gators in Marin County. Con: The guys in lockup might find out you surrendered to a drone.
- Madison, WI (July 12): A man made a splash" (get it?) after stealing a bike but then jumping into a nearby lake when officers tried to speak to him. Pro: Chose July to jump into a lake in Wisconsin. Con: Locale posed some risk of being attacked by a northern pike (the fish, not a member of the Canadian band). Bonus points: mugshot comparison suggests he has gotten no smarter since this 2016 arrest.
- Prince Edward Island, Canada (July 23): Police arrested a man after citizens reported someone matching his description had stolen a kayak and paddled out into the bay. Pro: None. Con: Locale posed some risk of being attacked by a Northern Pike. Special Judge's Prize: was apprehended by two officers of the Royal Canadian Mounted Police who borrowed two other kayaks" (emphasis added). Of course I excitedly looked for evidence that a dramatic kayak chase ensued, but was again disappointed. See also Sadly, I Must Report That There Was in Fact No Canoe Chase'" (Feb. 4, 2019) (also involving Mounties).
- Pierce County, WA (June 14): A 32-year-old man jumped into a pond after police responded to reports that he was chasing his parents around the yard with a chainsaw. Negotiations failed to convince him to come out, but deputies had more luck with a beanbag shotgun and a lasso. Pro: Ponds aren't deep, no travel required if it's your own pond. Con: Chainsaw could get ruined if it gets wet, cop who successfully lassoed you will brag about it on social media.
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