Alligator Alcatraz By The Numbers

Alligator Alcatraz, a massive migrant detention center in Florida's Everglades, has been plagued by reports of inhumane conditions and environmental concerns since its opening on July 3. The Onion breaks down the statistics of the facility at the center of Republicans' crackdown on illegal immigration.

40,000

Truth Social profile pictures taken by sign

0

Applicants deemed unqualified for guard job

32

Times Stephen Miller has typed the name of the facility into Pornhub

7

Average age of detainee

100,000 V

Voltage of facility's electric toilets

23

Times bloodthirsty ICE agents cheered an alligator on only to realize it was just a log

3

Average outfit changes per Kristi Noem photo op

40%

Reduction in activity of empathy-controlling orbitofrontal cortex necessary to stomach job as guard

2028

The year Democrats will claim they can't shut it down

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