Horse Carefully Assesses Potential Mate For Also Being Horse

BELCHERTOWN, MA-Cautiously eyeing up a nearby mare in what barnyard sources described as a mixture of flirtation and guarded optimism, local horse Oatmeal reportedly took several moments Monday to assess whether a potential mate was also a horse. I have pretty high standards, so I just want to make sure she's the one for me before I make any sort of move," said Oatmeal, carefully studying the animal's general shape, number of legs, long face, and possession of hooves to determine whether she was the same kind of animal he was. I wouldn't want to sire a hinny again, so I have to be kind of picky, but hey, so far, so good. I gotta admit, I like what I see. Her eyes are, like, two feet from her lips, just like mine, and damn, look at the tail on her! She definitely has one. Having a tail is a great sign she's also a horse, which is really important to me. Oh yeah, look at the way she eats an apple and has a guy on top of her-that's horse for sure. I'm really attracted to the kind of species she is, so I think I'm gonna trot on over and mount. Wish me luck, fellas!" At press time, reports confirmed Oatmeal had been rejected and was desperately hitting on a pig.

The post Horse Carefully Assesses Potential Mate For Also Being Horse appeared first on The Onion.