Digested week: Rejoice! A new oven is here before Christmas. Just a pity I can’t cook | Lucy Mangan

My offer to host dinner is declined. My cooking is never good. Triumph lies in the fact food is cooked and not full of bacteria

Yeah, I'm gonna say it - stop with the fetishisation of sandwiches, already! Obviously we've had the annual rejoicing over the advent (Ha! See what I did there?) of the Pret Christmas offering and the paler imitations thereafter by lesser chains and retail outlets. Now Harrods is getting in on the act with a 29 version on sale at its steakhouse, the Grill on Fifth. It consists of a burger patty (and listen, let's get rid of the word patty' while we're about it, shall we? Why? Because it's viscerally hateful, that's why), roast turkey breast, stuffing, a pig in a blanket, spiced red cabbage, cranberry sauce and turkey gravy.