History Of St. Patrick’s Day

Originally a Catholic feast day for the patron saint of Ireland, St. Patrick's Day has evolved into a global celebration of Irish heritage and culture. The Onion presents a historical timeline of the holiday.

432 A.D.

St. Patrick kicks all the snakes out of Ireland for failing to meet the three-drink minimum.

521

St. Brigid of Kildare invents the puke and rally.

1721

First known uttering of the phrase You think you're better than me?"

1845

Millions of Irish immigrants come to America, where they were oppressed too, you know.

1876

Guy with a pinching fetish gets involved.

1890

Guinness begins bottling factory floor runoff to send to America.

1963

John F. Kennedy proves that the Irish aren't all lucky.

1970

McDonald's debuts the original corned-beef-flavored Shamrock Shake.

1989

Bagpipes decriminalized.

1999

Erin and Johnny break up and get back together four times in the same bar.

2007

The popular girls all wear matching green Abercrombie polos to school.

2015

Entire city of Boston arrested for public urination.

The post History Of St. Patrick's Day appeared first on The Onion.