Stars Share Their Plans For The Summer

Stars Share Their Plans For The Summer

Millions of Americans will embark on summer vacations this year. Reporters for The Onion asked stars to share their own warm weather plans.

Explore the list in detail

Sabrina Carpenter

I have a big stack of books that I'm excited to sit on so I can safely drive."

Ariana Grande

I'm going to a spa in Switzerland where they kill you."

Ina Garten

I say I'll do this every summer, but this time I actually mean it: I'm going to cast out the ghost that's living in my fridge."

MrBeast

Evading the authorities."

Simu Liu

Laying out all my clothes for the fall."

Russell Brand

Whatever I do, I'll deny it's sex tourism."

Michael B. Jordan

Coconuts, pineapples, and little wedges of lime-yeah, it's safe to say I'll be spending a lot of time in the produce section."

Sydney Sweeney

I'm going to politicize Popsicles."

Chappell Roan

PR damage control for something that hasn't happened yet."

Jacob Elordi

I'll be attending NASA space camp with several of my close friends."

Noah Wyle

Filming our upcoming The Pitt: Aloha Means Work Family Hawaiian summer special."

Selena Gomez

My plans for the summer will have no impact on you whatsoever. I urge you to do a great deal of soul-searching until you understand why knowing more about my personal life and hobbies would satisfy you in any way."

Andy Dick

Waking up in a sack in the ocean."

Jack Harlow

I will be defending my thesis at Howard University."

Tom Hanks

Isolate in my remote bunker so Jamie Foxx can't get me."

Jamie Foxx

Get Tom Hanks."

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