Original 13 States Renew Declaration Of Independence In Beachfront Ceremony

PLYMOUTH, MA-Reaffirming their commitment to sovereignty against a backdrop of crashing waves and the setting sun, the original 13 American states renewed the Declaration of Independence Saturday in a beautiful beachfront ceremony. Now repeat after me, do you free and independent states hold these truths to be self-evident?" said officiant Barack Obama, adding that despite having been together 250 years, the former British colonies looked just as devoted to unalienable rights now as they ever did. Now take this pen, a symbol of life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness, and add your signature in federal union. I now pronounce you, once again, the United States of America. You may sign the parchment." At press time, South Carolina had reportedly threatened to secede after spotting Pennsylvania in a cabana during the reception entering into union with California.

The post Original 13 States Renew Declaration Of Independence In Beachfront Ceremony appeared first on The Onion.