Lindsey Graham’s Will Orders Estate To Start War With Azerbaijan

WASHINGTON-Stipulating that the South Caucasus nation should be nothing but ash by the time it's all over, the will of recently deceased Sen. Lindsey Graham orders his estate to start a war with Azerbaijan, sources confirmed Monday. The entirety of the document consists of very specific battle plans for the scorched-earth military conquest of Azerbaijan and a clear directive that all persons named in the will immediately begin deploying troops to carry out these objectives," said a person close to Graham's family who spoke on the condition of anonymity about thetwo-pronged offensive the late lawmaker had meticulously diagrammed for a land invasion from neighboring Armenia and a naval bombardment from the Caspian Sea. He died unmarried and with no heirs, but has dictated that his accumulated wealth be put toward the rapid manufacture of munitions to be used in the all-out assault. He did leave certain details of the campaign to his beneficiaries, with the caveat that all tactics employed ultimately contribute towiping Azerbaijan off the map as quickly as possible." The source added, however, that ifAzerbaijanproves too difficult to obliterate, Graham's will authorizes launching a war against Uzbekistan as a backup plan.

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