Trump Promises Americans $5,000 If GOP Maintains Control Of Congress

President Trump promised a $5,000 Trump Dividend" to every American adult should Republicans maintain control of both the House and the Senate after the midterm elections, which would likely cost over $1 trillion in total. What do you think?

Yes, bribery is crucial to American elections, but we mustn't forget blackmail and extortion either."

Ezra Clay, Avocado Pitter

Waiting to hear Chuck Schumer's counteroffer before committing one way or another."

Laurel Zimmerman, Unemployed

Throw in a little Yosemite, and you bought yourself a voter."

Alec Moss, Molecule Stabilizer

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