Article 4J9R2 God Orders All Followers To Swallow Cyanide Capsules In Preparation For Voyage To Alpha Centauri

God Orders All Followers To Swallow Cyanide Capsules In Preparation For Voyage To Alpha Centauri

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The Onion
from The Onion on (#4J9R2)
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THE HEAVENS-Assuring His disciples that they would meet again in the next world, God, Our Heavenly Father and the Creator of the Universe, ordered His followers to swallow cyanide capsules Monday in preparation for their voyage to Alpha Centauri. "Join Me! We embark on our cosmic journey into the farthest reaches of"

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