Article 4ZHVC Report: Average Life Expectancy Increases To 18.2 Years For Americans Who Go Out Like Fucking Legends

Report: Average Life Expectancy Increases To 18.2 Years For Americans Who Go Out Like Fucking Legends

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The Onion
from The Onion on (#4ZHVC)
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WASHINGTON-Calling the data encouraging for all groups of U.S. badasses, a new CDC report published Tuesday found that the average life expectancy for Americans who go out like fucking legends has increased to 18.2 years. "Our data revealed that total gods who shotgun a beer before doing a backflip off their buddy's"

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