New Zealand men are still stuck in roles that risk harm to themselves and others | John Daniell and Glenn McConnell

Don't be a dick' was one useful motto we came across in our podcast examination of how to be a modern man

In a Wellington cafe, one of New Zealand's most respected academics talked about the disconnect between his feelings and the way he knew he was supposed to be: I could not understand why anyone would see putting your head between two other men's buttocks as being the high point of New Zealand culture. I was staggered by it. But I never said that, of course - I just buried those thoughts."

Jock Phillips would go on to become the national historian, but as a boy growing up in the 1960s he knew the wisdom of keeping his cranium down in a land where rugby was next to a religion.