Uncharted film review: This is how you don’t adapt a video game

Enlarge / Tom Holland stars as Indi-er, as Nathan Drake in Columbia Pictures' Uncharted. (credit: Columbia Pictures)

Imagine a video game sequel where pretty much everything fans liked about the original is gone. There's less action, uninteresting puzzles, boring environments, plot holes big enough to drive a "Hog Wild" seaplane through, and, perhaps worst of all, dull dialogue. This imaginary game opens with an interminable 80-minute cut scene, only to be followed by an energetic action sequence that recalls the original game's best moments.

That's what the first-ever Uncharted film feels like. It's based on the popular PlayStation-exclusive game series of the same name, and it stars the same main characters. But while it's reminiscent of the Indiana Jones films that inspired the video games, the movie doesn't have the same breezy, comical, action-packed magic of that franchise-or of the Uncharted games. How wild that a video game delivers better movie-like thrills than its live-action version.

A brief glimpse of gold

"Professor, what's another word for pirate treasure?" "Drake, stop asking me that question." (credit: Columbia Pictures)

The final scene is the only decent part of this movie, so I'll start there. Like its namesake game series, this week's theatrical exclusive is all about adventurers surviving fistfights and solving mysteries while searching for an ancient-treasure jackpot. Uncharted's booty is a doozy: two stranded, treasure-filled pirate ships, somehow hidden from all satellite and radar imaging or explorers for over 500 years. A villain captures the ships and decides to airlift them via helicopters.

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