Tim Walz Unveils New Retro-Futurist Persona After Feeling Boxed In By Folksy Image

CHICAGO-Informing the crowd at the Democratic National Convention that he had come from a distant and unimaginable realm ruled by robotic beings, Democratic vice presidential nominee Tim Walz unveiled a new retro-futurist persona this week during a speech in which he dispensed with his folksy image. Greetings, citizens of America, it is I-Artemus!" the Minnesota governor said as bulbs lit up on his apparently homemade silver jumpsuit and he described his upbringing in the electrorepublic of Democritron," departing from his previous homespun, small-town identity. My creator, the mad scientist Dr. Eustis Humphrey, sent me back through the Chronopneumatic Chamber to this very year to deliver a message: The Republicans are mounting their interstellar fleet of zeppelins and heading to your star system to destroy your mortal way of living. Heed my words!" Walz's appearance on stage was immediately followed by a screening of a 45-minute black-and-white silent film titled Artemus Versus The Villains Of Atomica.

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