Article 6RDGN Human Lifespan Hits Upper Limit

Human Lifespan Hits Upper Limit

by
The Onion Staff
from The Onion on (#6RDGN)

A study published by University of Illinois-Chicago researchers found that advances in medical technology and genetic research are not translating into marked jumps in lifespan overall. What do you think?

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Those smug redwood trees must love this."

Roberta Ward, Loom Instructor
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I'm good with capping it around 40."

Stuart Dybala, Tally Counter
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These researchers are going to look so dumb when I never die."

Gonzalo Ventura, Political Troubleshoote

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