Barron Trump Returns Home To Find Melania Converted Room To Unending Labyrinth Of Darkness

PALM BEACH, FL-Sighing as he pulled on the head of a gargoyle while searching for a secret entrance to his old closet, Barron Trump reportedly returned home from college Tuesday to find his mother, Melania Trump, had converted his room into an unending labyrinth of darkness. I know she always wanted a cold, inescapable void in the house, but I've only been gone a few months, and now I have nowhere to put my stuff," said the youngest Trump child, who expressed frustration that a sudden breeze blew out every torch he tried to light in the ceaseless network of stone corridors. I realize that I don't live here anymore, but it's super annoying to bypass the Minotaur every time I need to grab my shoes. I don't even mind that she changed it-I just wished the creeping vines weren't constantly rearranging the maze behind me. It took me four hours to find my bed, and I couldn't even sleep because of all the whispering ethereal voices. Now I can't find my way back, and every time I look in a mirror I realize I've returned to the beginning. Maybe I just need to tie a rope to myself or something like that." At press time, sources confirmed Barron was running headlong into the void after hearing a low growl as something gnawed through his rope.

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