Trump’s Military Parade By The Numbers

Saturday, June 14 marks the 250th anniversary of the founding of the U.S. Army, which will be celebrated with a festival and military parade in Washington, D.C. The Onion examines the facts and figures behind the event.

12:

Repurposed Mastercard Pride floats

26%:

Likelihood tanks cave in city street and plunge into center of Earth

4:

Military stars being awarded to Kid Rock

200,000:

Attendees who just remembered parades are kind of boring to watch

833:

Tanks it takes to spell out HAPPY BIRTHDAY ARMY AND, COINCIDENTALLY, DONALD TRUMP

9:45 p.m.:

250 Years Of PTSD Fireworks Show

0:

Number Of JD Vances invited

15 to 20:

Sentencing range for protesting the paradepeacefully

Priceless:

The smile on that sweet president's face

The post Trump's Military Parade By The Numbers appeared first on The Onion.