Scientists No Closer To Uncovering Where Friend Finds These Bozos

MADISON, WI-Warning that each new iteration of dummy seems to be more witless than the last, a team of scientists at the University of Wisconsin stated Monday that they were no closer to uncovering where their friend Lisa Pullman finds these bozos. Despite years of extensive research, we still lack even a rudimentary understanding of how Lisa meets these absolute duds," said Professor Robert Sforza, who coined the term circus paradox" to describe what he calls the never-ending clown car of idiots, losers, and sociopaths" his friend keeps bringing around. She's attractive and generally well-liked, which makes it difficult for us to determine where in the world she's finding these bizarre specimens. We've searched for a pattern, but there's simply no way to predict what kind of crazy weirdo Lisa is going to bring with her when our group of friends goes out. She claims she met the last guy in line at the Home Depot, which is, like, come on girl. She brought him to a dinner party, and we think he stole some of the silverware." Sforza added that without more support from the scientific community, he fears the question may not be solved in Pullman's lifetime.

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