Tile Store Offended By Sponsored Little League Team Celebrating Win At Pizza Place Instead

ITHACA, NY-Scoffing at the idea that the players would be able to properly honor their victory anywhere else, the owner of local tilestoreAll Stone and Tile was reportedly offended Tuesday that theLittleLeague baseball team he sponsored had celebrated its win at apizza place instead. So I guess we spent several hours setting aside all thesetileswe know the kids would love for nothing, huh?" said owner Griffin Cronin, who launched into a diatribe against Sal'sPizzeria, mocking therestaurantfor using mortarinsteadof thinset between the checkered slabs decorating its dining area. Apparently all we're good for is paying for the jerseys, equipment, and field maintenance. The true loyalties of these 11-year-olds lie elsewhere, despite everything we've done for the brats. What do they want from us? To sell pizzasinstead? Then we would be abandoning our core principles as a tile store, for crying out loud!" At press time, Cronin was wondering aloud if he might be the problem after learning the team sponsored by Alternatives Federal Credit Union happily had convened in the financial institution's lobby to revel in its recent playoff victory.

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