What’s Causing Problems With Flights Across America

What's Causing Problems With Flights Across America

With crashes and delays continuing to place significant strains on travelers, The Onion conducted an investigation into the troubles plaguing American aviation. Here are the root causes of the problems facing flights across the country.

Explore our findings in detail

Nebraska

20 mph speed limit while flying over schools

Iowa

Pilot frightened off course by scarecrow

Texas

Sure as day, some cowpoke done lassoed the plane right outta the sky and won the heart of one Miss Cindy Mae

Boston, Massachusetts

God trying to kill Mark Wahlberg again

ArKansas

Shrieking passengers not exactly helping pilot focus

Miami, Florida

Rowdy spring breakers flashing aircraft

Las VEgas, Nevada

Engines turned off so red-eye passengers can sleep

Alabama

Passengers all gathering to one side of the plane to see what will happen

Arizona

Tray table not in upright position

Pacific Ocean

Boeing 737 still missing wing from last time it crashed

Washington

Pilot trying, just this once, to floor it into outer space

Chicago, Illinois

Skyscraper didn't duck

Missouri

Air traffic controllers too busy bickering over who gets to say roger" over the radio

Washington, D.C.

Planes keep colliding with Susie Wiles' signature bouffant

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