Article 6YW55 All The Changes Kristi Noem Is Making To TSA

All The Changes Kristi Noem Is Making To TSA

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The Onion Staff
from The Onion on (#6YW55)
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Homeland Security Secretary Kristi Noem has hinted that more changes are coming to TSA following the end of the agency's shoe removal policy. Here is a selection of the new security rules coming to the nation's airports:

Agents will personally thank white couples traveling with white children.

Mandatory ridiculing of bad driver's license photos

Any quantity of unpasteurized milk is okay to bring through.

Muslim travelers must be placed in separate bins.

Quart-sized Ziploc bag limit for carry-on guns

Rather than walk through a body scanner, travelers may elect to simply describe their nipples in detail.

No wheelchairs.

Flotation devices injected directly into lips

Free family separation for international travelers

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