New Psychology Research Looks at Why We Help Our Friends When They Need It
janrinok writes:
New psychology research looks at why we help our friends when they need it
Despite how natural friendship can feel, people rarely stop to analyze it. How do you know when someone will make a good friend? When is it time to move on from a friendship? Oftentimes, people rely on gut intuitions to answer these kinds of questions.
In psychology research, there's no universally accepted definition of a friend. Traditionally, when psychologists have analyzed friendship, it's often been through the lens of exchange. How much did that friend do for me? How much did I do for them? The idea is that friendships are transactional, where friends stick around only as long as they are getting at least as much as they are giving in the friendship.
But this focus doesn't capture what feels like the essence of friendship for many people. We and our colleagues think another model for relationships-what we call risk-pooling-better matches what many people experience. In this kind of friendship, no one is keeping track of who did what for whom.
Our research over the past decade suggests that this kind of friendship was essential for our ancient ancestors to survive the challenges they encountered. And we feel it's essential for surviving the challenges of life today, whether navigating personal struggles or dealing with natural disasters.
The traditional social exchange theory of friendship views relationships as transactions where people keep a tally of costs and benefits. Building on this framework, researchers have suggested that you approach each friendship with a running list of pluses and minuses to decide whether to maintain the bond. You keep friendships that provide more benefits than costs, and you end those that don't.
The theory holds that this balancing act comes into play when making decisions about what kinds of friendships to pursue and how to treat your friends. It's even made its way into pop psychology self-help spaces.
We contend that the biggest issue with social exchange theory is that it misses the nuances of real-life relationships. Frankly, the theory's wrong: People often don't use this cost-to-benefit ratio in their friendships.
Anybody who has seen a friend through tough times-or been the one who was supported-can tell you that keeping track of what a friend does for you isn't what friendships are about. Friendships are more about companionship, enjoyment and bonding. Sometimes, friendship is about helping just because your friend is in need and you care about their well-being.
Social exchange theory would suggest that you'd be better off dropping someone who is going through cancer treatment or a death in the family because they're not providing as many benefits to you as they could. But real-life experiences with these situations suggest the opposite: These are the times when many people are most likely to support their friends.
Our research is consistent with this intuition about the shortcomings of social exchange theory. When we surveyed people about what they want in a friend, they didn't place a high value on having a friend who is conscientious about paying back any debts-something highly valued from a social exchange perspective.
Read more of this story at SoylentNews.