Tips For Antiquing

Shopping for antiques can be a fun, sustainable, and stylish way to decorate your home. The Onion shares tips for antiquing.

Save time by having a clear idea of what kind of old shit you're looking for.

Arrive in a van or truck large enough to fit 30-plus paintings of pale children picking flowers.

Double-check that you're in an antique store and not the home of an elderly hoarder.

Bite down on the chair to make sure it's authentic Herman Miller.

Loudly ask vendors how much each item would go for on Pawn Stars.

Remember, if you're not in the Antique region of Connecticut, it's technically thrifting.

Be prepared to haggle with someone who is emotionally attached to a broken table.

Make sure your certificate of authenticity comes with its own certificate of authenticity.

Give up and buy something new that's designed to look old.

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