La-Z-Boy Introduces Adjustable Morphine Drip

MONROE, MI-Citing its ongoing mission to provide customers with the pinnacle of comfort and relaxation, upholstered furniture mainstay La-Z-Boy announced Friday that its latest line of Jasper Rocking Recliners would feature fully adjustable morphine drips.There's no better way to relax than with our luxurious recliners and a steady stream of opioids flowing right into your veins," said La-Z-Boy spokesperson Marie Hampton, showing off a new easy chair's plush woven chenille IV bag and 10 preprogrammed morphine settings, which according to company marketing materials range from drowsy numbness" to metabolic coma." Once you're done, there's a convenient sharps disposal built into the armrest. So go ahead: Just recline, set your morphine drip to the desired delivery level, and drift away into a deep-possibly endless-sleep."Hampton added that for an additional fee each recliner could also be outfitted with an Italian leather breathing mask and high-quality mahogany bedpan.

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