Article 73WP4 Epstein Files Reveal Deepak Chopra Still Lost On Little St. James

Epstein Files Reveal Deepak Chopra Still Lost On Little St. James

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The Onion Staff
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WASHINGTON-Amid shocking materials that include a photo in which the word HELP' has been spelled out with rocks, seaweed, and several stuffed animals,a newly released tranche of Epstein files revealedFriday that Deepak Chopra was still lost on the private island of Little St. James. From whatwecan gather, Chopra has been deliriously wandering the now largely uninhabited Epstein Island for years, crying out for food and forbiddeneros,"said independent analyst Gina Mosley, adding that thealternative medicine guruhad sent hundreds of urgent emails pleading for rescue and the sweetest sensual delights, and most recently had been seen looking sunburned and emaciated as he loaded a flare gun atop a large nude statue of the Greek deity Zeus. He's even kept a kind of video journal where he vacillates between saying tearful goodbyes to his family, friends, and fans, and striking a more hopeful tone on the off chance a 13-year-old is still on the island."Despite theextensive newdisclosures, sources told reporters that there are currently no plans tobring Chopra home.

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