Colorado Overrun With Flamboyant Children After Camp Director Notices Conversion Therapy Device Set To Reverse

DENVER-Growing increasingly frantic as the mobs of exuberant preteens flooded from their bunks into the state of Colorado beyond, local Christian camp director Alan Mullins reportedly panicked Friday after noticing his conversion therapy device had been set to reverse. Dear Lord, they're just getting more and more theatrical-why isn't this lever budging?" said a visibly alarmed Mullins, grabbing a crowbar and attempting to pry the handle back towards its conversion position as a swarm of colorfully clad children belting out MUNA's One That Got Away" rushed towards his position. Who knows how many of them are out there now enjoying drag brunches and throwing pride parades in Aurora or Fort Collins. What's that they're doing now? Handing out pamphlets for their own production of something called Kinky Boots? Oh God, it's already too late!" After accidentally breaking off the device's handle in one last desperate attempt, Mullins reportedly collapsed in despair just as thousands of young people enclosed him in a shower of rainbow glitter.

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