Trump Decries Lack Of Space To Host Parties Inside MRI Machine

BETHESDA, MD-Complaining during his annual physical Tuesday that the narrow tubelike structure offered next to no room for socializing, President Donald Trump decried the lack of space to host parties inside an MRI machine. It's so cramped that maybe you can fit one or two foreign dignitaries or CEOs in there at most," said the president, who upon receiving an MRI scan at Walter Reed National Military Medical Center lamented that the restrictive opening made dancing completely impossible and that a simple conversation was out of the question thanks to the the high-decibel clanging and beeping. What would the Saudi crown prince or Putin think if I made them squeeze in there and had to explain that I'm not allowed to hang beautiful gold fixtures because metal's not allowed? Such a disgrace. Seriously, how do you build an MRI without room for a single chandelier?" At press time, Trump had reportedly ordered the MRI machine widened to accommodate 500 guests and had all the annoying magnets removed.

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