Article 766CY Greek Custodian Used To Be Demigod Back In Home Country

Greek Custodian Used To Be Demigod Back In Home Country

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The Onion Staff
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TENAFLY, NJ-According to Roosevelt Elementary custodian Thanasis Danielopoulos, faculty and staff at the school are often surprised when they learn that back in his home country of Greece, he was a demigod.People are usually shocked when I tell them my mom was a maiden and my dad was a rain god who took the form of a bull," the minor deity said Wednesday, leaning on his mop as he explained that despite coming from a privileged household on Aeolia, he never considered himself above janitorial work. Sometimes when I'm mopping the cafeteria after lunch, I think about all the time I used to spend rubbing elbows with the Muses at Mount Olympus. Yeah, it would be nice if I got a slightly bigger paycheck so I could take the occasional trip back to Hyperborea. If I could do it over again, I probably wouldn't have come here as part of those Twelve Labors. But whatever. Can't live your life in the rearview, you know?"Danielopoulos then reportedly sighed and returned to scraping gum off the underside of a desk.

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