What To Know About The Live-Action ‘Moana’

Disney's live-action remake of Moana comes to theaters this weekend, a decade after the original animated film was released. The Onion shares everything you need to know about the movie.

Q: Who is the target audience?

A: Nostalgic 12-year-olds hoping to relive their childhood.

Q: Who is the villain?

A: The looming threat of a live-action Frozen.

Q: What was the process for transforming Dwayne Johnson into the character Maui?

A: A grueling, five-second wig application.

Q: How long is Moana?

A: It's about the length of the movie Moana.

Q: Are there any new songs?

A: Lin-Manuel Miranda provided a new song called Call Me Mr. Secretary (Put Me On The 10)" that was cut from Hamilton.

Q: Now that Disney's created so many live-action remakes, what's left?

A: Melody Time, that thing where Donald Duck learns about math, and the opening credits to Honey, I Shrunk the Kids.

Q: Why are fans calling the original better?

A: They say Dwayne Johnson's emotional range is best captured without his actual face.

Q: What did the film cost?

A: The beautiful, unsullied memory of the original.

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