Neil The Seal Killed In Shootout With Authorities

SEVEN MILE BEACH, AUSTRALIA-In a shocking and violent scene that left the local marine mammal dead and dozens of others injured, Neil the Seal was reportedly killed in a shootout Friday with authorities in Tasmania. According to eyewitnesses, the 5-year-old southern elephant seal emerged from Tiger Head Bay early in the morning toting what appeared to be an AK-47, flopped straight toward a heavily armored police vehicle parked near the beach, and began firing. Law enforcement officials confirmed that officers exchanged more than 600 rounds of gunfire with the 2,200-pound Neil, who bellowed ceaselessly as he ducked behind a traffic cone for cover and struggled to pull the pin from a hand grenade with his unwieldy flippers. At press time, a postmortem toxicology report had found high levels of amphetamines in Neil the Seal's system.

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