Article 7928V America’s Greatest Inventions

America’s Greatest Inventions

by
The Onion Staff
from The Onion on (#7928V)
best-sellers-title-side-bg-img.pngAmerica's Greatest Inventions

As they mark the nation's anniversary, citizens are taking particular joy basking in the ingenuity, grit, entrepreneurial spirit, and work ethic that have made our country an unparalleled powerhouse of innovation. Here are the greatest American inventions.

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Explore the list in detail

Hair.png?w=768Americas-Greatest-Inventions_Bug.pngHair

Invented as a direct response to King George III's Cue Ball Proclamation of 1763.

Syphilis.png?w=768Americas-Greatest-Inventions_Bug.pngSyphilis

After being introduced to gonorrhea during his time as an envoy to France, Benjamin Franklin set out to create this uniquely American form of sexually transmitted illness.

Ink-Sacs.png?w=768Americas-Greatest-Inventions_Bug.pngInk Sacs

Americans ingeniously evolved this defense mechanism to escape from underwater predators.

Rock-and-Roll.png?w=768Americas-Greatest-Inventions_Bug.pngRock And Roll

Invented by Thomas Edison.

Honkymobile_21f53a.png?w=768Americas-Greatest-Inventions_Bug.pngHonkymobile

Henry Ford's original name for the Model T, which he introduced in 1908 as an exclusive transportation method for the white race.

Excitedly-Cheering-Hot-Dog-1.png?w=768Americas-Greatest-Inventions_Bug.pngExcitedly Cheering Hot Dog!'

This uniquely American exclamation was easily one of the top two most significant discoveries of the Manhattan Project.

Jimmy-Carter.png?w=768Americas-Greatest-Inventions_Bug.pngJimmy Carter

The late president represents just one of more than 300 products that agriculturalist George Washington Carver derived from peanuts in the early 20th century.

Garbage-Disposal.png?w=768Americas-Greatest-Inventions_Bug.pngThe Garbage Disposal

Until this device's introduction by GE in 1935, the idea of defecating in one's kitchen sink was merely a pipe dream.

Microwave-Oven.png?w=768Americas-Greatest-Inventions_Bug.pngMicrowave Oven

Created in the 1940s by physicist Percy Spencer, who was looking for a way to make food both squishy and scalding hot.

LED-Cross.png?w=768Americas-Greatest-Inventions_Bug.pngLED Cross

This energy-efficient cross allowed the KKK to commit hate crimes with 80 to 90% more efficiency than it could by simply burning one.

Ball-Pit.png?w=768Americas-Greatest-Inventions_Bug.pngThe Ball Pit

Created by NASA in 1966, this technology allows astronauts to simulate the experience of being submerged in a lunar alien nest.

Ross-Dress-for-Less-Mastercard.png?w=768Americas-Greatest-Inventions_Bug.pngRoss Dress For Less Mastercard

Looks like your out-of-office day is ruined now.

Europe.png?w=768Americas-Greatest-Inventions_Bug.pngEurope

The continent of Europe was accidentally invented in 1982 by a couple of American scientists who were tinkering with landmasses.

China.png?w=768Americas-Greatest-Inventions_Bug.pngChina

We created them, and we can destroy them.

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