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Whoops, now there’s body paint on the wall.

Severna Park, a Maryland high school with a history of kicking major butt at field hockey, has been disqualified from the Maryland 4A state semifinals after an annual toilet-papering ritual blew out of hand, reports the Washington Post. But, you are wondering, just what the hell is an annual toilet-papering ritual?Read more...

Kyrie Irving, a splendid basketball player with a habit of speaking like his entire vocabulary of multisyllabic words is operated by a lotto machine, went on Geno Auriemma’s podcast and told the coach that his eagerness to join the Boston Celtics came down, in part, to “intellectual human being” Brad Stevens:Read more...

The Knicks beat the Suns last night behind another incredible offensive performance from young Kristaps Porzingis. The Suns have looked frisky since the firing of Earl Watson—that doesn’t make this some great win, but it does help make the case that the Knicks are not, in fact, complete trash. No. While Porzingis is…Read more...

Last night was the final clash of the 2017 League of Legends World Championships, a climactic rematch between Samsung Galaxy and SKT T1. Before the games started, Riot Games put on a massive opening ceremony including a giant trophy, a live performance of Worlds theme “Legends Never Die,” and a freaking dragon.Read more...

For exclusive videos, pictures, and more, like us on Facebook and follow us on Twitter and Instagram. Send us your confidential tips at tips@deadspin.com, call our confidential tips hotline at (347) 746-8471, contact our writers directly, or use our anonymous SecureDrop system.Read more...

What’s the more notable detail from this SNY report: that Knicks games are apparently being blacked out in Turkey as part of the Turkish government’s ongoing hostility towards Enes Kanter; or that Enes Kanter expects the Knicks—currently in the NBA’s bottom 10 in both offensive and defensive rating—to challenge for a…Read more...

The context for LeBron’s 57-point masterpiece last night is something I, a devoted Wizards fan, would prefer to ignore—the Wizards spent portions of the spring and an interview with ESPN’s The Jump chirping that the Cavs ducked them in last season’s playoffs, and went so far as to say that they, the Wizards, who’ve…Read more...

Tywan “Speedy” Claxton made his pro MMA debut at Bellator 186 tonight after a stellar wrestling career as an Ohio Bobcat, and he finished his bout against Jonny Bonilla-Bowman in style with a first-round flying knee. BAH GAWD.Read more...

The Champions Basketball League, a scammy-seeming startup league that took hundreds of thousands of dollars from investors but has yet to play a single real game after failing to start its season multiple times, is now embroiled in three lawsuits.

I don’t think you have to eschew all traditional displays of romance to be a cool, modern couple. Even if you decide these traditions are rooted in an oppressive historical patriarchy (they are) and often serve to perpetuate systematic inequality between the sexes on a society-wide scale (they do), it’s not morally…Read more...

Yesterday, it was announced that Gothamist and DNAinfo, two sites vitally important to New York City’s news ecosystem, were shutting down. Its owner, Joe Ricketts, it seemed, would sooner lay off a combined staff of 115 people than see his workers unionize.

After a 13-year run at Auburn that was equal parts success and scandal, Tigers athletic director Jay Jacobs made use of the Friday news dump to announce that he will retire either next June or whenever Auburn hires his replacement.Read more...

Gizmodo I Hate How Much I Love the iPhone X | Kotaku Overwatch Gets A New Hero: Moira, A Support Healer | Jalopnik Tesla Shipped Cars Without Seats And Digital Displays: Report | The A.V. Club Don’t be afraid of The Last Of Us Part II’s violence | Lifehacker Here’s How Solar Panels Work |Read more...

In September, we published a blog about Rockies reliever and avid baseball memorabilia collector Pat Neshek being miffed that Zack Greinke would not sign autographs for him. It ended with this line:Read more...

Raheem Sterling is a gem. He has been one of the best wide attackers in the Premier League for about five years now, boasts an athleticism and technical ability and intelligence that makes 99 percent of his peers look like stodgy goons by comparison, regularly heaps on goals and assists at a much quicker rate than…Read more...

I’ve stayed away from the recent round of Crunchy Sock Twitter’s discontentment with Russell Wilson’s very public display of affection for his wife, Ciara. Because I’ve written about it before. A few times, actually.

An attorney for Louisville’s incoming five-star recruit Brian Bowen—the player at the center of the school’s involvement in the FBI investigation that resulted in the firings of Rick Pitino and athletic director Tom Jurich—announced Thursday that Bowen has been cleared by the FBI of any “investigative impediments.”Read more...

Last month, 1992 Olympic all-around gymnastics gold medalist Tatiana Gutsu said that Vitaly Scherbo, the 1992 Olympic all-around champion, had raped her in 1991. Gutsu was just 15 years old at the time.

A lie I tell myself with dismal regularity is Ugh, fuck, I am too tired and burned out to tidy up tonight, I’ll do it in the morning. That is not how it works. In my more caffeinated moments, this is obvious.

As a result of Colin Kaepernick’s collusion grievance against the NFL, Cowboys owner Jerry Jones, Texans owner Bob McNair, and Patriots owner Bob Kraft will have to turn over their phones, according to ESPN’s Adam Schefter. Those three might not be the only ones, either:Read more...

On October 6, Helen Donahue, who previously worked as a social media editor for Vice and also wrote for the website, posted photos of bruises on her upper body, neck, and face to Twitter. “sux men in media hate women yet write abt feminism n masquerade as allies but its sadder this happens,” she wrote. “2015 i…Read more...

Give your knives a little T.L.C. and get them ready for holiday cooking with this $14 knife sharpener. It has over 2,000 reviews and a 4.4-star rating, works on both straight and serrated knives, and is $6 less than usual.Read more...

The USC Trojans lost 30-27 to the Washington State Cougars on Sept. 29, and at the end of the game the Washington State fans rushed the field. During the chaos, USC defensive lineman Liam Jimmons was seen laying out one of the Washington State fans.

After a promising but still too-barebones second installment, EA’s taking a third swing at the UFC.

Have you seen Ricky Rubio lately? This isn’t the jovial, dime-dropping Spaniard from way back when. This is a man who’s seen things, who’s learned things the hard way, who’s decided to take matters into his own hands. This is the gritty reboot of Ricky Rubio.

The Philips Sonicare DiamondClean attempts to fix the biggest problem with every other electric toothbrush: The person operating it.Read more...

The New Orleans Saints wanted to honor Navy veteran John Wells at this weekend’s game by giving him an award for his life accomplishments. Wells, who is the executive director of the Military Veterans Advocacy group, declined the award.

Oh, hey.Read more...

In 1990, Bill Watterson created a Calvin and Hobbes storyline in which Calvin is bullied into playing baseball during recess. Watterson drew a relatable, cautionary tale about the dangers of cramming boys into neat little boxes. Everyone in this story wants Calvin to do something he hates, but even when he commits to…Read more...

Vitals Four Myths About Hydration That Refuse To Die | io9 Avengers 4 Could Include New Flashbacks to the Very First Avengers | The A.V. Club Nielsen releases Stranger Things 2 ratings that Netflix will inevitably dispute | Compete The Ups And Downs Of Teabagging In Pro Gaming | Jalopnik This Madman Is Stuffing A New…Read more...

Happy Friday! Find deals on a universal remote, a saw Gold Box, a smart scale and much more.Read more...

Amazon is discounting a bunch of athletic clothes today, but one caveat, not every color and size are actually on sale.

ESPN distributed new social media guidelines to its employees Thursday, which reinforced some existing rules about not breaking news exclusively on social media, respecting colleagues, and—oh wait, here’s a new thing: “Do nothing that would undercut your colleagues’ work or embroil the company in unwanted controversy.”Read more...

When the clock counted down the last 100 seconds, Injustice 2 Pro Series player Dominique “Sonic Fox” McLean knew he’d already won the match. His opponent’s health bar had been reduced to a sliver. All Sonic Fox had to do was kill time. So he started teabagging.Read more...

Did you watch last night’s 34-21 Jets win over the Bills? Even if you’re a football fan, there’s a good chance you didn’t. The NFL’s expanded Thursday slate rubs players the wrong way, and with general viewership declines, many media executives are blaming the Thursday games for the public’s general football fatigue.Read more...

Damian Lillard drained a three-pointer as the clock’s final seconds ticked down in a tie game to boost the Blazers over the Lakers.Read more...

Steve Kerr got heated early in tonight’s Golden State win over San Antonio, but Gregg Popovich was ultimately the one to get ejected. In a fourth-quarter outburst with the Spurs trailing, he said something along the lines of “You’re a fucking terrible referee,” after not getting the travel call he wanted on a basket…Read more...

The narrative of Clayton Kershaw’s playoff failure was always something bigger and more intense than it had any logical right to be. It conveniently ignored key context of managerial decisions and bullpen strength, not to mention brushed aside the number of perfectly fine and even good postseason starts that he has …Read more...

Language, Stephen!Read more...

For six or so glorious minutes this evening, the president’s personal Twitter account—@RealDonaldTrump—was gone. Whether he temporarily deleted it himself, intentionally or not, or was the subject of some weirdly brief disciplinary action from the platform (he did, after all, tweet about his wish for the New York City…Read more...

Former prosecutor Bruce Castor—who declined to file criminal charges against Bill Cosby back in 2005—has filed his lawsuit against Andrea Constand, one of the first women to publicly say the comedian drugged, then sexually assaulted her.Read more...

Joe Ricketts, TD Ameritrade founder, billionaire, and father of Chicago Cubs chairman Tom Ricketts, shut down the local news network of DNAinfo and Gothamist sites today, a week after the writers voted to unionize. Anyone attempting to reach one of the sites was redirected to this letter:

Before he was installed by the electoral college as Supreme Grand Primate Of THE GREAT UNRAVELING, Donald Trump was just one of the more poignant accounts on Twitter. There was nothing sympathetic about him, really, because there has never been anything sympathetic about him. He has been the same way, and locked into…Read more...

Former Manchester United defender and current Marseille player Patrice Evra will not play in his team’s Europa League match today after he channeled his inner Eric Cantona and karate kicked a fan of his own team in the face. Here’s a photo of the incident:

More bad NFL injury news came today, this time in Houston. According to Ian Rapoport, rookie QB Deshaun Watson may have suffered a torn ACL on a non-contact injury in practice this afternoon.Read more...

Washington Capitals superstar Alexander Ovechkin announced today via Instagram that he is creating a “social movement” called “Putin Team,” which he says is meant to unite Russia and support its current president, Vladimir Putin.Read more...

Auburn announced on Thursday that men’s basketball players Austin Wiley and Danjel Purifoy have been suspended indefinitely. While the school did not specify the reason for their suspensions, the fact that they were recommended by the school’s compliance department confirms that they are “Player 1" and “Player 2” from…Read more...