Deadspin > Sports News Without Fear, Favor or Compromise

Roger Goodell is a benevolent man. Last season, while negotiating his own new salary, he demanded lifetime health insurance for himself and his family—with a wink.

When watching the very bad football games that I have to watch in order to write this series, I sometimes like to play a game called How Long Can They Hide The Ass? This game consists of seeing how long a team that is known and verified to be butt can play any other way before the familiar stench reveals itself. The…Read more...

Hours after The Athletic reported that Derek Carr has lost the confidence of his teammates, possibly because he cried, the Raiders quarterback set the record straight: He did NOT cry. In fact, he says he did not shed a single tear. Out of either eye! At any point!

John Smoltz is, at this point in his second career as a color commentator, not really that good at the job. He understands the game well, but he’s also drowsy and grouchy in all the ways that old ballplayers tend to be: checked out and skeptical and reflexively salty about today’s players, grumpily grudgeful about…Read more...

Just as dirty money can be laundered to appear legitimate, so too can dishonest propaganda messages be laundered to become news. It is the job of the media not to do that. We’re having some issues these days, though.Read more...

Lest Trae Young have all the fun beating up on an atrocious winless defense, his rookie foil Luka Dončić also got his last night in a 115-109 Mavericks win over the Bulls. Setting aside the joy of pitting a 19-and 20-year-old in mortal competition for purely narrative and/or Hawks-shaming purposes, what if they’re…Read more...

Dwight Howard hasn’t played yet. He’s out with, literally, a sore ass. The guy starting in his place, Ian Mahinmi, has played a total of 33 minutes in three games; he’s committed 10 fouls and made one shot. The guy backing him up, Jason Smith, has a minus-22 net rating in 44 minutes and is shooting 36-percent from the…Read more...

After LeBron James missed two clutch free throws in overtime in the Lakers’ third straight loss of the young season, ESPN Stats & Info shared an interesting tidbit about the greatest player of his era.Read more...

Derek Carr, like the Raiders’ season, is well and ruined. The 27-year-old quarterback, who just two seasons ago looked like he would be the steady hand guiding the Raiders’ offense for the next decade or so, is now a lame duck. Khalil Mack is gone, Amari Cooper is gone, the Gruden-designed rebuild is officially on,…Read more...

Earther This Weirdly Geometric Iceberg Is Freaking Us Out | Kotaku 16-Year-Old Dethrones Tetris World Champion With Difficult Hyper-Tap Technique | Jalopnik The Aston Martin Vantage Shows How Hard It Is to Make a Good Fast Car | Lifehacker The Best Gmail Add-Ons You Can Set Up Right Now | The Takeout I desecrated $400…Read more...

Shark Ninja produces an interesting mix of kitchen appliances and vacuum cleaners, and a bunch of their greatest hits are on sale in today’s Amazon Gold Box.

If you still have any mattresses with metal springs in them, today’s a great day to fix that. For one day only in Amazon’s Gold Box, Casper’s entry-level Essential mattresses are 20% off, in every size.

Lots of basketball happened tonight. Much of it was meaningless, or ridiculous, or both. This here is the basketball highlight of the night, though it happened during halftime:Read more...

Here’s an annoying early season NBA trend: The Boston Celtics, favorites to gain supremacy in a LeBron-less Eastern Conference, have the worst offensive rating in the NBA, following an ugly 93–90 home loss to the lowly Orlando Magic Monday night. In a season thus far marked by outrageously prolific scoring…Read more...

WWE Universal Champion Roman Reigns announced to a stunned Monday Night Raw audience that he’s been battling leukemia for 11 years, and that due to the cancer’s return he will be relinquishing his belt, effective immediately:Read more...

For all its opulence and expense, the dirty little secret of caviar is that it is, in essence, a topping. It’s a condiment, and an unruly condiment at that. It’s a comically messy food for people who abhor messes. Its consistency means that it can often slide off of things with alarming ease. Getting caviar to stay on…Read more...

A surefire way of embarrassing yourself is by saying anything optimistic-sounding about the Charlotte Hornets based on something they do in the first month of an NBA season. They finished each of the last two seasons with 36 wins, and their biggest roster upgrade headed into this season involved jettisoning Dwight…Read more...

Today, Cristiano Ronaldo had his first public press conference since Las Vegas police earlier this month reopened a 2009 investigation of a rape allegation against him. The Juventus star was asked directly about the accusation, but he responded by primarily talking about how great his life is.

We see a lot of deals around the web over on Kinja Deals, but these were our ten favorites today.

Kotaku 16-Year-Old Dethrones Tetris World Champion With Difficult Hyper-Tap Technique | Two Cents Here’s How the New UltraFICO Credit Score Will Work | io9 Let’s Talk About the Ending of the New Halloween | Jalopnik 2019 Ford Ranger Raptor: Here It Is Hanging Out in Michigan | The Takeout Ask Kate About Beer: How long…Read more...

Just after Chelsea’s Ross Barkley scored the equalizer in the 96th minute of their match against Manchester United on Saturday, Chelsea assistant coach Marco Ianni ran onto the field in front of United manager José Mourinho, heaved an almighty fist pump, and then jogged back to his bench. As Ianni headed back to his…Read more...

Arsenal moved into a three-way tie on points for third in the Premier League with a 3-1 win over Leicester City today. More than anyone else, the Gunners have Mesut Özil to thank for that. Pierre-Emerick Aubameyang may have scored Arsenal’s go-ahead goal, and Héctor Bellerín may have gotten the assist, but this…Read more...

Bills quarterback Nathan Peterman was so dreadful last week, the team had to bench him for 35-year-old Derek Anderson, who hadn’t started a game since 2016 but was the only remaining healthy QB on the roster, for Sunday’s contest against the Colts. Ah, but therein lies a conundrum: When Derek Anderson starts and is…Read more...

“Sure. Go ahead, boo me. It ain’t going to change the way I play. That’s going to make me smile more. So please, come on with it,” aspiring villain Jimmy Butler told Wolves reporter Jon Krawczynski a week ago.

“You ruined the NBA! It’s real funny! [Unintelligible burbling] money!” said a damp fan in a Cavaliers jersey to DeMarcus Cousins during Sunday’s Warriors-Nuggets game. “Punk ass! He destroyed the league,” added the rapidly reddening man.

In the most NFC East–ass ending, the Cowboys lost Sunday to Washington on a missed game-ending field goal, which came after Dallas bungled its final drive and committed an inexplicable penalty.Read more...

I don’t like watching horror movies. I scare easy and feel anxious enough in my daily life that the idea of feeling anxious during recreational activities does not appeal. That said, I do like to read (or be told) plot summaries of horror movies so I can just know what happened and move on with my life.

The Arizona Cardinals are ass. Even in a sea of NFL ass, they are a deadly, towering ass iceberg. An assberg. They are 1-6 but spiritually 0-16. Patrick Peterson has had enough.

A week after reports emerged that the Raiders were thinking of trading several of their recent first-round picks, it appears that they’ve started doing just that. Recently retired NFL cornerback Jerraud Powers first reported that the Raiders would send Cooper to the Cowboys for a first-round pick this afternoon, with …Read more...

SoulCalibur IV includes the most robust custom character creation tool in series history. The game’s only been out for four days, and already the internet is flooded with twisted player creations, and not all of them have giant fake cocks.

Look, if you record and release a mournful ballad about how you didn’t know your buddy ol’ pal Harvey Weinstein was also an entitled creep who sexually harassed and assaulted numerous women over a span of decades, you need to accept that you’re opening yourself up to some criticism. And if the song is called “I…Read more...

Unless you’re a fan of either team, or are Tim Burke, you were most likely not watching Saturday night’s college football game between one-win schools Western Kentucky and Old Dominion. You missed a nutty finish!

At the start of the video below, a bald Texans fan is being held back by a man wearing a Jaguars Pete Mitchell jersey. Immediately, a few other Jags fans get in the Texans fan’s face, perhaps in response to something that happened out-of-frame a few rows down, where there’s also a commotion, sometime before the camera…Read more...

After the Dodgers clinched their spot in the World Series, their fans spent Saturday night partying, and the Los Angeles local news caught up with many of them. One fan couldn’t have put the feeling in the city better: “Woooo, baby! We’re going to the ... yes we are!”Read more...

Trae Young was a tempting punchline leading up to the draft, and even for sometime after. You can count me among those doubters, at least to the extent that I foresaw a future in which he the teeny depraved chucker would get steadily shredded on the other end of the floor. Which is to say, I foresaw him being a…Read more...

Former Carolina Panthers wide receiver Rae Carruth, who was convicted in 2001 of plotting the murder of his pregnant girlfriend Cherica Adams, was released from Sampson Correctional Institution in Clinton, North Carolina today.

You’ll see no shortage of celebrities sitting courtside at Los Angeles Lakers’ games, but perhaps none scat so animatedly from the sidelines as Anthony Kiedis. Consequence of Sound reports that during Saturday’s game against the Houston Rockets, the Red Hot Chili Peppers singer was ejected from the premises after…Read more...

Seems like everyone has something to say about Blake Bortles being benched. But have you ever been an NFL quarterback? No. So we turned to NFL quarterbacks themselves for their “take” on a tough situation.Read more...

Dolphins wide receiver DeVante Parker has appeared in two games this season, but “appeared” is a word with a lot of wiggle room. He was targeted just three times in Week 3, and was only on the field for four snaps in Week 6. He’s otherwise been struggling with injury, first a broken finger and then a quad injury.…Read more...

The Philadelphia Union play in a stadium in Chester, Pennsylvania. It’s on the Delaware River waterfront near a casino and a prison. Despite the odd location, the stadium—built with $77 million in public money—is pretty nice. It’s still relatively new. The riverfront location and the Commodore Barry Bridge in the…Read more...

The best price ever on the 8 qt. Instant Pot Ultra, a three month free Audible trial for Prime members, and our readers’ favorite gaming mouse lead off the week’s best deals.Read more...

Gizmodo 100 Websites That Shaped the Internet as We Know It | Kotaku Devil May Cry 5's Ridiculous $8,600 Bundle | Offspring Entertain Your Toddler With These Everyday Household Items | Jalopnik A Southwest Flight Made an Emergency Landing After an In-Flight Case of Non-Consensual Footsie Got Out of Hand | The Takeout …Read more...

It is remarkable just how quickly a team that was one competent quarter away from the Super Bowl, and still looked like world-beaters two weeks into this season, has so completely fallen apart. Remarkable not for the why of it—injuries have taken out their top wide receiver, top running back, top two tight ends, and…Read more...

Love to read but don’t have the time to sit down and actually read a book? Sign up for Amazon’s audiobook service, Audible, during this extended trial offer for Prime members.

Thanksgiving is just around the corner, and you can make meal prep easier with the best deal ever on the 8 qt. Instant Pot Ultra. At just $120, it’s actually the same price today as the miniature 3 qt. model, and $30 less than the 6 qt.

Three months after sitting at the bottom of the MLS’s Eastern Conference playoff race, D.C. United have secured a playoff spot, thanks to the efforts of Old Man Wayne Rooney. He scored two goals in today’s 3-1 victory against NYCFC to make the postseason berth official.

Oh man, Justin Tucker pulled a John Carney. He pulled a damn John Carney against the team that had experienced a John Carney!

Panthers safety Eric Reid’s visible beef with Eagles safety Malcolm Jenkins in today’s game was indeed for the expected reasons. After Philly collapsed and Carolina took the 21-17 victory, Reid was at first hesitant to explain why he exchanged words with Jenkins during the pregame coin toss, but then he kind of…Read more...

The Patriots learned a valuable lesson in respecting Mitchell Trubisky today. With the Bears down by seven with two seconds left, the “tittiess” kisser threw a Hail Mary pass from the team’s own 45-yard line, and it was actually caught. Receiver Kevin White just needed to push through the final two yards to complete…Read more...

The Jaguars elected to bench Blake Bortles in the middle of today’s 20-7 loss to the Texans, instead opting to go with a quarterback that by definition would’ve been considered worse than Blake Bortles before the game. Surprisingly, he was slightly better.Read more...