The Register

Pleading guilty to assault on battery Something for the Weekend, Sir? I'm getting funny dreams again. Either that or I have stepped into one of Arthur C Clarke's episodes of Mysterious World of The Unexplained albeit without the Sri Lankan foliage and Eric Morecambe glasses.…

But we won't have to pay fines to Europe for being crap... Brexit could further exacerbate the woeful IT track record of farmers receiving rural payments, the Public Accounts Committee (PAC) has warned.…

Personal data gathering ruled 'intrusive, excessive and unjustified' A Scottish couple have been awarded damages of more than £17,000 in total for the "extreme stress" they suffered as a result of the "highly intrusive" use of CCTV systems by the owner of a neighbouring property.…

Why can’t Big Tech drain the swamp? Maybe governments don't want to Special Report Google's ad blacklists, intended to stop big brand advertisements running over YouTube terror videos, aren’t working.…

Best quarter yet, says CEO, while share price slips Nvidia continues to ride the AI hype wave, raking in $2.17bn in sales in three months – its best quarterly results yet, apparently.…

Previous Venus probes hardly lasted an hour. This stuff survived three weeks before the boffins lost their lab booking NASA boffins have found a way to make electronics that can survive on the surface of Venus, at least for a few weeks…

Join us in London this May to talk DevOps, CD, containers and more We’ve added more workshops and conference speakers to the Continuous Lifecycle lineup, making the three-day event a must-go for any tech pro looking to get on top of DevOps, containerization, and Continuous Delivery.…

Same org saw users catch ransomware twice. In one day. After being warned On-Call Welcome again to On-Call, our weekly therapy session for readers who need to share terrible memories of jobs gone horribly, horribly, wrong.…

'Hypervisor introspection' probes guest VMs for advanced malware from splendid isolation Citrix and Bitdefender have revealed a security tool that runs inside the hypervisor – in this case, Citrix's own Xen Server – to detect advanced persistent threats running in guest VMs.…

Pinterest-owned web scrapbook 'hit system limit for hosted database', probably in AWS Web scrapbook Instapaper has suffered a 30-plus hour outage and is warning of a week-long restore time.…

S/4HANA 'Cloud' now comes with vertical editions, but not notably more cloud SAP has updated the cloud edition of its in-memory S/4HANA ERP suite and tacked the word “Cloud” onto the end of its name.…

Software to overtake hardware by 2020, say abacus-shufflers at IDC Analyst outfit IDC reckons the world will spend US$2.4 trillion (€2.25tn, £1.91tn) on technology products in 2017, with just under half of the cheques to be written by very large companies.…

Again. So now Google's re-building dangerously centralized routing rigs Google's explained why new cloudy virtual machines in its cloud engine couldn't connect to the world for a couple of hours in January: a canary didn't fall off its perch, so the company was unaware of a problem.…

Cupertino giant quickly purged supposedly dead files when word got out Apple appears to have fixed a flaw in iCloud that retained a copy of deleted Safari browsing history data synced from local devices for more than a year.…

Judges deal stunning blow to president's executive order President Trump has suffered a serious blow to his authority following a decision by a court of appeals against his controversial travel ban.…

Ajit gets a Florida-style full Nelson after study scrapped US FCC Chairman Ajit Pai is facing criticism for his decision to axe a study on improving internet connections at public schools and libraries.…

Brogan BamBrogan is back! And this time he means BamBusiness Three months after settling a lawsuit with former employer Hyperloop One, engineer Brogan BamBrogan (of the BamBrogans) has launched a rival to the tube-travelling transport company.…

And it has nothing to do with South by Southwest Software engineers should ditch their coveted Silicon Valley jobs and look for opportunities in Austin, San Diego or Seattle.…

Now give me €45 MEEELLION to make up for it A French businessman is suing Uber for a ridiculous amount of money, with the claim that the dial-a-ride app cost him his marriage.…

Expanded executive order calls for no fewer than 10 reports The latest draft of a cybersecurity executive order to be signed by President Trump has become an unusually precise, report-ordering extravaganza.…

Weak default settings attract data deletion attacks despite warnings Administrators of Hadoop Distributed File System (HDFS) clusters have evidently not heeded warnings that surfaced last month about securing software with insecure default settings.…

Ad watchdog hits out at telco's alternate facts Lying Comcast will no longer be able to advertise its cable internet service as the "fastest" following a decision from the US National Advertising Review Board.…

Files spotted using Python code to infect Apple machines Hackers are menacing Apple Mac users with Word documents laced with malicious macros that install malware.…

Stage set for Jimbo Wales vs Paul Dacre. Who will win? Welcome, Mr Dacre. Wikipedia editors have voted to put The Daily Mail in the sin bin – alongside The Register.…

*slow clap* Check this baby out.…

Former VMAX product head finds refuge Fidelma Russo has been appointed CTO at data management firm Iron Mountain, Storage Newsletter reports.…

Slowing market sparks ideas... but only in analysts' minds +Comment A poor year for Cray was rescued by its fourth 2017 quarter’s results.…

Multilayered defence Promo Security professionals still talk about “antivirus defences,” but in the space of a handful of years what is meant by this term has undergone a dramatic shift.…

Gaming, mixed reality, Cortana Skills on the agenda as MS continues to plug UWP Microsoft briefed developers on the updates to the Windows 10 platform at an online Developer Day in preparation for the Creators Update, set for release later this year.…

Container wrangler can now shield your sensitive privates Secrets management can present problems for those working in containerized environments. Storing secrets – API keys, SSH keys, TLS certificates and other sensitive data used for authentication and authorization – within a container image may be the path of least resistance but doing so is insecure. Anyone with access to the container image will have access to the secrets within.…

Pre-crime snoops study spread of cruel chatter Cardiff University's Social Data Science Lab has been awarded a £250,000 grant to set up a centre to monitor “Brexit-related hate crime” on Twitter.…

Government kindly but firmly puts him back in his box A Liberal Democrat peer has suggested that the Internet of Things needs government regulation in the UK.…

Forget WD – bigger stake in joint flash fab would make more sense Reuters is all over the Toshiba memory division 20 per cent stake sale, reporting incoming bids up to $3.6bn.…

Don't be afraid. It's just that year-late digital strategy Cabinet Office minister Ben Gummer has today unveiled the government’s long-delayed digital strategy, calling it "the most ambitious programme of change of any government anywhere in the world”.…

American general wants rid of his Harriers tout suite The head of US Marine Corps aviation wants to buy more F-35Bs per year than the UK will receive in the next five.…

Like GNU running in Windows – outrageous. And pointless Once the second biggest enemy of Linux (SCO Group takes top honours), Microsoft is positively giddy about not just supporting Linux but actually building tools that run Linux in Windows and about putting previously Windows-only software on Linux.…

Four paws bad! Time to break the emotional attachment Microsoft, Amazon, Google, others all telling us to move server loads to the cloud. Most of us with on-premise servers haven't designed things in a cloud friendly way and - call us old sentimentalists - have heaped time, love and workloads on our tin.…

Inspur and Diablo smash those datasets Analysis Chinese server vendor Inspur has cut Spark workload runtimes in half by bulking out DRAM with Diablo Technologies' Memory1 technology.…

Now your soaps can come on holiday, too European Union citizens will soon be able to carry their streaming video subscriptions across borders, without virtual private networks but not necessarily for free.…

Whatever, you're just a sore loser, Fitbit fires back The bitter battle between Fitbit and Jawbone has picked up again, with Jawbone claiming in its latest court filing that its rival is under criminal investigation.…

If $1,000 a month is cheap, sure Patent trolls are a growing problem, and Microsoft thinks that it has the solution – an affordable-ish protection scheme for Azure customers.…

Plaintext passwords. In 2017 UK magazine publisher Future's FileSilo website has been raided by hackers, who have made off with, among other information, unencrypted user account passwords.…

Boffins challenged to make H.265 compression look flabby The International Telecommunications Union wants researchers to get busy on new video compression codecs, setting an ambitious target to double their squeezing compression power by 2020.…

Turn off F5's 'Session Tickets' or patch the bug to survive 'Ticketbleed' There's a new branded bug in town, but thankfully it only hurts kit made by F5 Networks.…

Carl Bass is not planning to spend time with family - he's not sure they want him around Carl Bass says quitting will mean people stop laughing at his jokes as we noted in passing yesterday, Autodesk's Carl Bass has stepped aside as CEO.…

Space Launch System and Orion undamaged, all personnel accounted for Video A tornado has totalled some priceless NASA artefacts.…

But signup for higher speed tiers is flat-lining Australia's National Broadband Network is closing in on a million active fibre-to-the-premises users and topped AU$400 million for the first half of its 2017 financial year.…

No, seriously. This thing floats over your office and flashes when code pipelines go bad Application performance monitoring outfit Dynatrace is getting into the flying saucer business.…

Not just marketing – Software and Systems must work from city hubs, too Exclusive IBM is forcing more than just its US marketing staff to move to a handful of regional hubs. The crackdown on remote workers and smaller offices also hits engineers and other staffers in America and Europe.…

Homeland Sec boss says he wants 'enhanced' digital vetting The new boss of the US Department of Homeland Security plans to dig deeper into the lives of some of those wishing to enter the Land of the Free – even going as far as demanding web passwords and banking records.…