The Register

It may be the oldest and largest planet, but it took a long time Jupiter may be heavier than all the other planets in the Solar System combined, but it took a surprisingly long time to balloon in size.…

Local privilege escalation in procedure calls It's not bad enough to take Microsoft out-of-cycle, but CERT/CC has just put out a warning of a new privilege escalation bug in Windows.…

Database ops need less 'muck' says AWS boss Andy Jassy VMworld US VMware's quest to automate admins out of a job continued at VMworld, with the company bedding down with Amazon to add a bit of its virtualisation sauce to the AWS Relational Database Service (RDS).…

Are Adam Sandler fans human? Court didn't rule on that ... The defendant in the “Adam Sandler downloader” case has had another win, in a long-running a case over whether or not he downloaded the movie “The Cobbler”.…

Sticky Notes, Green Screen of Deaths and Skype. There is no rest for the Windows watcher While storm clouds gathered over the UK in time for the August holiday, all was sunny in world of Microsoft. Except, perhaps, in the Israel office. While Redmond goes toe to toe with Tel Aviv over licencing, what else happened last week in Windows land?…

AMD promptly dumps it and hires TSMC for next-gen chips GlobalFoundries is putting its pursuit of 7nm chips on hold indefinitely.…

But, hey, it's not like it had been warned hundreds of times over several years... Analysis Facebook has banned 20 organizations and individuals in Myanmar, including the country's commander-in-chief, following a United Nations report formally accusing the military regime of serious human rights abuses.…

Complaint accuses group of setting up fake site, hotline An Illinois law firm is suing a rival it says was impersonating it online in a bid to steal clients.…

Defense Distributed's Cody Wilson calls ruling 'farcical' A federal judge has issued a preliminary injunction barring the online distribution of CAD files for 3D printed guns, upholding a temporary injunction issued in late July.…

No, we're not pulling your leg VMworld US VMware today showed off a port of its bare-metal ESXi hypervisor for 64-bit Arm servers at its VMworld US shindig in Las Vegas.…

Normal policy – or punishment for stepping outside ad giant's walled garden? Updated The CEO of Epic Games, maker of smash-hit shoot-em-up Fortnite, continues to savage Google for disclosing a security hole in his software.…

Data Domain and VxRAIL to the fore against a multi-cloud backdrop VMworld US EMC has been singing off a multi-cloud and hyper-converged songsheet at sibling VMware’s Glitter Gulch VMworld event.…

Your quick announcement summary VMworld US The VMware world's VMecca – VMworld 2018 US – is upon us this week in Las Vegas.…

Plus: Feds break up another 'dark-net drugs op' Roundup Summer rolls on, Reg vultures are making the most of their hols before the September rush hits, and in the past week, we saw Lazarus malware targeting Macs, Adobe scrambling to get an emergency patch out, and Democrats losing their minds over a simple training exercise.…

Creators ticked off for running CPU flat out over the break Who, Me? It's that time of the week again, where Reg readers 'fess up to IT errors and jokes that went awry, in the hope of some catharsis.…

Your need-to-know Roundup It's a long weekend in England and Wales, with many Reg vultures taking time out and making the most of what's left of the quiet August month.…

Just waiting for the tech bros to disrupt this dump delivery service Everyone knows that America's big cities and especially San Francisco live in their own financial bubbles.…

Day one: Dance moves. Day two: Committing crimes? Video Are you a bad dancer? Do you want to pirouette like a ballet pro? Don’t worry you can fake it until you make it – with the help of artificial intelligence.…

Everything's embiggening – just don't ask about the Dell split VMware keeps growing its sales like, depending on your opinion of the virtualization giant, weeds in an unkempt garden, or a lottery jackpot prize pool.…

Billionaire bashed with 'hypocrisy' stick by activists Almost five dozen CEOs at US tech giants and other big businesses this week denounced the White House's immigration policies in an open letter to Homeland Security Secretary Kirstjen Nielsen.…

Find flaw, report flaw, fix flaw, get paid. Bish, bash, bosh Facebook has patched a remote-code execution flaw discovered in one of its servers.…

Time for the internet to grow up? Critical US DMCA safe harbor rules in the spotlight Analysis The US Supreme Court has been asked to take a good hard look at a critical piece of internet law that shields ISPs and websites from legal action when their users pirate copyrighted stuff.…

Avoid OS build 17134.191 on tablets, it wrecked our gear, complain owners Some Microsoft Surface Pro 4 owners claim Redmond's July 24 Windows 10 update broke their devices.…

Don't install August update, world+dog warned McAfee has pulled a version of its Endpoint Security software after folks reported the antivirus software was crashing their Windows machines.…

No need for GPU/TPU acceleration? We'll see Tachyum is developing a processor that it alleges will run everyday applications as well as AI code that would normally require a GPU-like hardware accelerator.…

Simple, really – follow the congested links Back when net neutrality was a thing, engineers at the Center for Applied Internet Data Analysis (CAIDA) tested US interdomain links, and found them mostly flowing freely.…

P&G wakes up to internet abbreviations, LOL Giant multinational Procter & Gamble has filed for trademarks incorporating internet slang abbreviations including LOL to appeal to younger consumers – but it can expect to face challenges from hundreds of companies who, er, already thought of the idea ages ago.…

US firm Secureworks lifts lid on further targeting of academia US infosec biz Secureworks reckons it has uncovered a login credential-hoovering operation linked to Iran that targeted universities across a number of Western nations.…

1970s tech 'Picasso', two previous owners One of only 50 working Apple-1 computers goes up for auction next month in Boston. The board is a later model than the one that fetched $815,000 in 2016.…

Broadband Forum standards, ZTE drags down optical market, and more The Broadband Forum has dropped the first open-source code in an access interoperability project designed to support cloud-based access infrastructure and services.…

IoT-oriented tech has few advantages for consumers Interview eSIM-enabled phones are a solution to a problem that doesn't exist – and consumers are better off without it, according to analyst Dean Bubley.…

If only OS 'sunsets' happened every quarter HP Inc's latest set of financials were boringly positive – from a rival's perspective – rising as they did by double digits.…

If only OS 'sunsets' happened every quarter HP Inc's latest set of financials were boringly positive – from a rival's perspective – rising as they did by double digits.…

Happiness is Adobe-shaped, misery looks more like Micro Focus and Oracle Microsoft accounted for almost £1 in every £5 that Brit businesses and the public sector spent on software in 2017, unsurprisingly clinging to the top spot in the spend rankings.…

'International group' of hackers fingered, financial data safe T-Mobile US has fallen victim to a data breach, the company confirmed in a brief note on its website.…

Info collected on folk outside the social network 'not readily accessible' Facebook's refusal to hand over the data it holds on users' web activity is to be probed by the Irish Data Protection Commissioner after a complaint from a UK-based academic.…

Off pace in server market. As for cloud... don't even go there An influential Wall Street analyst has downgraded its rating for Hewlett Packard Enterprise's stock, citing fears about the supplier's small footprint in cloud computing and ceding share in servers.…

Study lays bare personal data flows from mobes to the Chocolate Factory Google's passive collection of personal data from Android and iOS has been monitored and measured in a significant academic study.…

Big data, smart machines and analytics, with a human behind the wheel Analysis With highly targeted cyber attacks the new normal, companies are finding the once-hidden Security Operations Centre (SOC) is the part of their setup they really count on.…

All work and no play makes tech support a dull gig – meet the techies who added in a drop of intrigue On-Call Congratulations, Reg readers – you've made it through the week, and those of you in England and Wales are now headed into a three-day weekend.…

Computer software not ready to beat living Dota 2 pros yet OpenAI’s bots were knocked out of The International – the Dota 2 computer game's annual Olympics – on Thursday after they lost to human pros 2-0 in a best-of-three contest.…

Bitcoin rather than student loan required for fraud classes Crooks are now taking to encrypted messenger Telegram to tout their online how-to courses on cybercrime, according to risk management biz Digital Shadows.…

UK traders: 'Help us, HMRC, you're our only hope' A week after the UK's taxman unveiled an exciting new system for modernising its existing processes, the government has published papers describing what might happen in the event the UK tumbles out of the EU next year without a workable deal.…

Donovanosis infection menaces Brit home town of El Reg's HR department The first British case of a rare flesh-eating sexually transmitted infection has been diagnosed in Southport – England's golf capital and home of The Register's financial and HR office.…

Is there poison in the chalice that Stephen will Rue? It's not quite as bad as waking up with a hangover and a mystery tattoo, but incoming nbn™ CEO Stephen Rue will start his tenure with a new regulatory regime, and on notice to fix the network rollout's ongoing new connection problem.…

Secure messaging maker courts biz comms gigs with Psiphon's help Encrypted comms service Wickr has hooked up with Psiphon, a maker of censorship circumvention tools, to provide an alternative to domain fronting as a defense against prying eyes online.…

Legal action seeks info copied during airport search An American woman is suing the US government's Homeland Security and Customs and Border Protection to get the data border agents copied from her phone.…

TL;DR? It sucks Analysis A deep dive into internet access availability in one US city has revealed – again – that competition for broadband is dreadful and far below what official figures claim.…

Malware with polished website spotted stealing crypto-coins from traders The malware-making gang of hackers dubbed Lazarus is said to be behind a crypto-coin-stealing nasty that infects Macs. This would be the first time this group has targeted Apple desktops.…

Longest-ever sentence for Russia hack whistleblower as defenders claim public service A former NSA translator who leaked a classified report into attempted Russian hacking of US voting systems has been sentenced to 63 months behind bars.…