The Register

Now we can all toss in the Colonel's secret herbs and spices A campaign launched in Japan has meant anyone partial to diving into a tub of finger lickin' good chicken now has the chance to literally do just that, thanks to the arrival of the KFC Bath Bomb.…

They're exploiting already infected bodies, say researchers Cybercrooks are directly attacking banks in multiple countries using a trojan dubbed Silence.…

Ahoy there, m'ducky. Chart a course t'Doncaster One landlocked council's battle with fly-tipping has taken a nautical twist this week after it had to deal with a speedboat... left in a road.…

Yet more problems for the firm's long-suffering customers Beleaguered TalkTalk customers are complaining that their landline and mobile phones ring at the same time, an issue that appears to be due to a glitch in the telco's Talk2Go app.…

That's 376,000 down, 424,000 to go before the year is out Virgin Media will fall significantly short of connecting 800,000 new customers to its ultrafast Project Lightning broadband this year – a target set prior to the firm's mis-selling scandal – according to its third-quarter preliminary results.…

Sales fall, losses grow, but watch looks OK Fitbit's year-on-year losses grew fivefold to $113.4m compared to a year ago, with sales of 3.6 million devices in the quarter, 7 per cent up from the previous quarter. The firm admitted it had been a "difficult year" as the fitness band craze diminished, with sales down considerably compared to the same period of 2016.…

Lloyds lost, Halif*xed, and Bank of Scotland scotched Lloyds Bank, Halifax and Bank of Scotland’s online and mobile banking services have all gone down this morning, leaving a trail of angry customers in their wake.…

Google's new best buddy will revive Android One Hands On HTC will have two new devices in the stores this month, and insists it has held onto a sizeable phone division, even after the reassignment of 2,000 HTC staff to the Chocolate Factory.…

Safety regulator gives head office the whole nine yards British military helicopters are at risk of crashing while wheels are literally falling off Army Land Rovers thanks to poor maintenance and funding cuts, according to a damning report by the Defence Safety Authority.…

Consumer-facing bit good, enterprise... not so much BT reported a 4 per cent drop in net income to £1.8bn for its second quarter as sports TV rights costs and its underperforming outsourcing biz hit the bottom line.…

Not so super-committed to computers now then... Japanese tech pusher Fujitsu has finally - as expected - found a solution for its ailing PC business: it will sell a majority stake to Lenovo for up to JPY28bn (£187m) that will be used to form a joint venture.…

Have as many lines as you want, just make it efficient My iPhone 6 recently upgraded itself to iOS 11. And guess what – it's become noticeably slower. This is no surprise, of course, as it's the same on every platform known to man. The new version is slower than the old.…

SCO wins a round: Court of Appeal sends one aspect of case back to lower court The seemingly endless legal battle between SCO and IBM battle over who owns UNIX, and perhaps bits of Linux, too has re-emerged. And this time SCO has had a win.…

Compsci boffins' open-source tool could massively speed up AI development A bunch of clever folks have created an open-source compiler, dubbed Taco, that generates code optimized for performing calculations on sparse matrices – a useful but tricky concept in computer science.…

CIA server goes down after release of docs from Abbottabad, reveals Osama liked BBC wildlife docos The United States Central Intelligence Agency has released a new trove of documents from computers found in the Abbottabad, Pakistan, compound at which Osama Bin Laden was captured in May 2011.…

Not as fast as your first time, though, let's be honest Physicists have whittled down the world’s shortest laser pulse to just 43 attoseconds (4.3 x 10 seconds), fast enough to observe electrons moving during chemical reactions in slow motion for the first time.…

It's all just 'IBM cloud' now. But IBM's actual new cloud is still months off LOGOWATCH IBM has re-named its cloud. Again.…

The show's predictability makes it the ideal robo-cop training tool A group of University of Edinburgh boffins have turned CSI:Crime Scene Investigation scripts into a natural language training dataset.…

Manufacturing system software needed a re-write after integrator 'dropped the ball' Tesla has recorded a US$671 million third-quarter loss that it has blamed on supply chain and production problems plaguing its forthcoming Model 3 sedan.…

At least the company found and cuffed an internal hacker FireEye won't reach profitability this calendar year: it posted a US$72.9 third-quarter net loss on revenue that grew 1.7 per cent to $189.6 million.…

Mulls rewrite to wholesale service standards to give punters some leverage The Australian Competition and Consumer Commission (ACCC) has opened an inquiry into whether it needs to intervene in the National Broadband Network's (NBN's) service standards.…

vMotion becomes vThrowing in scenes resembling 1997's Unicenter TNG from CA VIDEOS VMware has open-sourced a “VR Data Center Experience” that puts a virtual reality overlay over its vSphere product, to give you a virtual view of virtual machines.…

VMware, Nutanix and even Oracle played nice to cook up TPCx-HCI The Transaction Processing Performance Council (TPC) has released a benchmark for hyperconverged infrastructure.…

Redmond pitches tools for cloud byte-silo moves On Wednesday, Microsoft showed off a series of new tools and services aimed at helping companies bridge gap between their on-premise SQL databases and its Azure cloud database offerings.…

22-year-old bloke charged after Fed probe A former chemistry student allegedly used keystroke-logging gadgets to steal tutors' passwords, changed classmates' grades and downloaded copies of exams ahead of time.…

As Apple 'threatens' to ditch Qualy modems altogether Qualcomm beat Wall Street's expectations on Wednesday, reporting $5.9bn in revenues for its fiscal Q4, down five per cent year-on-year, and $22.4bn for the full year, also down five per cent.…

Vehicle-to-vehicle car-talking safety technology hits skids The Trump Administration has literally put a reduction in regulations over the lives of Americans with a decision to drop a new car-to-car communication protocol.…

Facebook, Google, Twitter get very rude awakening during Senate grilling Analysis It's something that everyone in public policy learns sooner or later: governments may be slow and cumbersome, they may be rife with hypocrisy and lacking in understanding, but they are still the government. And your money-making business is not.…

46.2 million stolen accounts, thousands of medical records put up for sale by crooks The personal data of millions of Malaysians has been swiped by hackers who raided government servers and databases at a dozen telcos in the southeast Asia nation.…

Code not finished or properly tested, lack of staff, and more, Senate warned Analysis In 2020, America will run its once-a-decade national census, but the results may not reflect reality if hackers manage to have their way.…

Dear job hunters, you're out of luck. Redmond's 365 Business is designed for PHBs Microsoft has lobbed its Microsoft 365 Business package for small and mid-sized companies into general availability.…

Chinese biz links up database tech with cloud platform Chinese Amazon-chaser Alibaba has chucked a chunk of cash at open-source-database-flinger MariaDB, leading a $27m funding round in the biz.…

Big Blue hybrid cloud organ stands up to be counted IBM has updated Cloud Private to help customers get containerised and move into hybrid private/public cloud computing.…

Duh. It's better than sweating the heck out of copper and aluminium for another decade Openreach reckons its 580 communications providers "have welcomed the ambition" to increase the UK's woeful fibre-to-the-premises (FTTP) coverage. However, some folk remain less impressed.…

No longer just a spy game Malware writers are widely abusing stolen digital code-signing certificates, according to new research.…

I promise not Reformation, but #Transformation ¡Bong! It's exactly 500 years to the day since Luther Blissett nailed his "95 Theses" to the door of Battenberg Cake Factory.…

Irish High Court rejects another appeal against €850m bit barn The Irish High Court has rejected a further appeal in the long-running battle against Apple's plans to build a data centre on the Emerald Isle.…

One must wait one's turn The Queen, accompanied by a Queen's guard and gentleman in a top hat, has been drafted in to help encourage Genevans to act more courteously when boarding trains.…

One must wait one's turn The Queen, accompanied by a Queen's guard and gentleman in a top hat, has been drafted in to help encourage Genevans to act more courteously when boarding trains.…

Horse bolted. Buys better door Facebook has promised to double its global headcount from a year ago, with the new employees being devoted to Cleaning Up The Web.…

Also: Viscount Ridley says it's better bots spy on him because they won't tell the Mail Information monopolies are a "vexing" problem, but data protection laws alone can't fix them, a parliamentary committee has been told.…

Here's a true Halloween horror story: We blabbed your details UK financial service regulators only learned of the Equifax mega-breach through media reports.…

Single complaint prompts unenforceable ruling. Good job! The Simon's Cat Crunch Time app accidentally served up a racy advert – earning the American advertiser a symbolic bollocking from Blighty's ad watchdog because children might have seen it.…

But still outclassed in capacity by SanDisk's tiny whopper Micron has announced incoming snoopcam flash cards with up to 256GB capacity, trumpeting that edge storage is the future of video surveillance.…

We now know when they crashed – but not even a hint about the cause A damning Ministry of Defence report into the department's safety oversight systems has revealed when two unmanned aerial vehicles crashed into the sea off Wales.…

WHAT? NAH, YOU'RE BREAKING UP Nearly one-third of mobile users suffer poor or no indoor reception at home, according to a survey by price comparison site uSwitch.…

Automate all the things Another day, another cloud security mishap. Some company exposes recordings of your kids to the Internet and then comes under Senatorial scrutiny. A security firm managing security clearance information turns out to be insecure.…

Well... we prefer containerised app info highway code Profile An Israeli startup has devised a containerised traffic cop which it claims stops rogue containers from misbehaving at run-time.…

QPX gets a trip to Mountain View's shooting shed Where have we heard this before? – in 2010, Google acquired ITA Software for US$700 million to get at its QPX airline booking software; in 2011, it reached an agreement with US regulators to complete the purchase; and 2018, it'll kill it.…

'CrystalNet' reveals router bugs beat sysadmin fat-fingers six-to-one for outages Microsoft has let the world in on one of its key Azure management tools: a simulator designed to help prevent nearly 70 per cent of the bugs that cause network downtime.…