WASHINGTON-With cortisol levels spiking to all-time highs, the stressed-out U.S. populace reportedly asked former President Barack Obama on Tuesday if it could bum 340 million cigarettes.Hey, man, if we could have one, or maybe 340 million, that would be great," Americans across the country said as they paced tensely around their homes, continuously refreshed their [...]The post Stressed Nation Asks Obama If It Can Bum 340 Million Cigarettes appeared first on The Onion.