WASHINGTON-Warning that America could not afford to fall behind in gourd-based innovation, U.S. Secretary of Agriculture Brooke Rollins issued a statement Tuesday demanding that U.S. farmers invent five new melons by Friday. Our nation cannot keep coasting along on the same old watermelons and cantaloupes forever without losing its standing on the world stage," said [...]The post Agriculture Secretary Demands U.S. Farmers Invent 5 New Melons By Friday appeared first on The Onion.