WASHINGTON-Occasionally pausing to rub his bleeding temple as he delivered the statement, visibly bruised Secretary of Defense Pete Hegseth declared Friday that wobbly barstools were a threat to national security. Our enemies are attempting to destabilize the United States by planting those rickety deathtraps in our nation's restaurants, breweries, and watering holes, and now they [...]The post Visibly Bruised Pete Hegseth Declares Wobbly Barstools Threat To National Security appeared first on The Onion.