Lowering the Bar

Might need to get the United Nations involved. Related StoriesAgain, Courts Frown on Feigning Sleep During Opponent's Case

You really don't. Related StoriesCourt Says Police Need to Make Time for “This Constitutional Bullshit”Court: Nobody Has the Right to AppealNational Guard Deployed to Seize One Marijuana Plant

Congratulations to Nobody. Related StoriesSeriously, Though: Nobody Has the Right to AppealCourt Says Police Need to Make Time for “This Constitutional Bullshit”Justice Done in Canada With Convictions in Maple-Syrup Heist

Although hopefully not for much longer. Related StoriesWhat's Up With the “Trump University” Lawsuits?

More to come, randomly. Related StoriesPants in the NewsLowering the Bar Almost Makes Law360’s List of Top 5 Law BlogsAgain, Not a Great Place to Stand During an Argument

In this edition: wearing a crown will not necessarily impress a jury; Whitesboro is still looking for a new seal; defining "Native American" is still problematic; other Americans illegally drift into Canada; when not to cite Dred Scott (ever); and a successful dongle thief. Related StoriesAssorted Stupidity #96Assorted Stupidity #95Assorted Stupidity #94

Among other things. Related StoriesJustice Done in Canada With Convictions in Maple-Syrup HeistRectal Smuggler Won't Know Doody's Position Until NovemberDefendant Votes on His Own Indictment

The bullshit in question being the Fourth Amendment. Related StoriesNational Guard Deployed to Seize One Marijuana PlantBill Would Let Cops “Field Test” Your Phone After an AccidentHow and Why to Delete Your Yahoo Account

To any who would threaten the precious Global Strategic Maple Syrup Reserve: let this be a lesson to you. Related StoriesCriminal's Modus Operandi Probably Just Means He Can't Spell “Modus Operandi”Rectal Smuggler Won't Know Doody's Position Until NovemberBattle of the Joes Is Back On

There haven't been any landings since the ban, so .... Related StoriesBREAKING: Normans Amend English Legal SystemHow Do I Get a Reincarnation Permit?And Then Job Spake, and Said, Let a Restraining Order Issue Against the Lord

But probably can't serve as a real judge unless she's cleared of trying to impersonate one. Related StoriesThe Worst Presidential Race in American History“Do Not Destroy or Otherwise Dispose of the Paddle”What's Up With the “Trump University” Lawsuits?

Was, astonishingly, probably not this one. Related StoriesWhat's Up With the “Trump University” Lawsuits?Lawyer Indicted for Impersonating a Judge Is Elected to Be Real JudgeTree Not Arrested

The 81-year-old grandmother they stole it from is extremely pissed off. Related StoriesHow and Why to Delete Your Yahoo AccountWhat Is Treason?Bill Would Let Cops “Field Test” Your Phone After an Accident

It's not free to go, but that doesn't mean it's under arrest. Related StoriesBREAKING: Normans Amend English Legal SystemThe Worst Presidential Race in American HistoryWay Less Than You Need to Know About the Civil- and Common-Law Systems

Police initially let Tree off with a warning, but the misbehavior continued. Related StoriesTree Not ArrestedRectal Smuggler Won't Know Doody's Position Until NovemberDefendant Votes on His Own Indictment

In this edition: that shark-attack lawsuit settled, amateur thieves fail again, an Australian lawyer beats Domino's in a pizza-delivery case, and Donald Trump. Related StoriesAssorted Stupidity #95Assorted Stupidity #94Assorted Stupidity #93

Church officials claimed "decisive action" was necessary to address unspecified "health and safety" concerns. Related StoriesBREAKING: Normans Amend English Legal SystemBoard Strikes Down Rule Requiring Employees to Be “Positive”Has Your Boss Ever Pooped In Your Lunchbox?

It is the worst problem facing the United Kingdom at this moment. Related StoriesBREAKING: Normans Amend English Legal SystemNZ Prime Minister Gets Thrown Out of ParliamentGovernors Veto Official-Bible Bills

Step one: stab several thousand people. Related StoriesArchbishop Criticized for Mass Firing of BellringersBritish MP Demands Correct Pronoun for Royal YachtWay Less Than You Need to Know About the Civil- and Common-Law Systems

Unforgivable. Related StoriesGood Reason to Kill #63: Golfing Too SlowlyGood Reason to Kill #62: Smirked When You Asked About That Viking Battle AxeGood Reason to Kill #61: Insisted the Earth Is Flat

TL, DR: click here, Fourth Amendment. Related StoriesWhat Is Treason?Bill Would Let Cops “Field Test” Your Phone After an AccidentThe TSA's Million-Dollar App (and My Zero-Dollar Equivalent)

A remarkable effort. Related StoriesKansas Senator Says Temptresses Must Cover ThemselvesIndiana Briefly Considered Fining Bad Anthem Singers

"A paper bag is disclosed." Related StoriesU.S. Patent No. 269,766: Do You Feel Lucky, Varmint?

At least two and possibly three of the prizes were given out for research that has some relevance for the legal system (among other things). Related StoriesPraying Mantis Species Named After Justice Ginsburg

I'm a grown man, but I'm also on vacation. Related StoriesDefendant Votes on His Own IndictmentJudge Challenges Defendant to Knit Her Way Out of JailIs It Illegal to Make Your Spouse Ride on the Roof of the Car?

In this edition: I'm on sabbatical (though obviously not from this); the people of Illinois take on three leather vests; why arbitration is better than kidnapping; a reluctant candidate; and what not to do if your marriage seems like a prison. Related StoriesAssorted Stupidity #94Assorted Stupidity #93Assorted Stupidity #92

It's not illegal to try to rid yourself of that kind of pest. Related StoriesDocument-Phobia Defense Works in SwedenDefendant Says His Lawyer Lied; Asks Him for Help Remembering What the Lies WereIndyCampers Lose Despite Personal Appearance by Jesus

More specifically, an alleged "fear of official correspondence." Related StoriesMan Who Shot Mother-in-Law Says He Was Aiming at an ArmadilloDefendant Says His Lawyer Lied; Asks Him for Help Remembering What the Lies WereIndyCampers Lose Despite Personal Appearance by Jesus

The saga continues. Related StoriesLord Hanuman Gets Another Court SummonsIndiana Briefly Considered Fining Bad Anthem Singers

The Ninth Circuit revives a puzzling cross-border dispute. Related StoriesApparently He Left “War Criminal” Off His ResuméALERT: Saturday Is the Last Day to Cash in Your $100-Trillion Bills

Grand jury proceedings are secret, so I guess we'll never know which way he voted. Related StoriesJudge Challenges Defendant to Knit Her Way Out of JailIs It Illegal to Make Your Spouse Ride on the Roof of the Car?Man Arrested 14 Years After Failing to Return Terrible Video

But more than you probably need to know about raccoon law. Related StoriesGarland Claims Longest-Wait Record from BrandeisGood Reason to Kill #59: Objected to BagpipesGollum Experts to Testify, Says Court

The canine individual was questioned and released. Related StoriesCourt: Musical Preference Doesn't Prove Gang MembershipCrime-Lab Chemist Was High While TestifyingAgain, Courts Frown on Feigning Sleep During Opponent's Case

In this edition: a couple of tips on faking your own death, spokespeople at work, a steakhouse surprise, and a pseudo-brilliant judicial-disqualification strategy. Related StoriesAssorted Stupidity #93Assorted Stupidity #92Assorted Stupidity #91

Sure, this sport looks peaceful, but never let down your guard. Related StoriesGood Reason to Kill #62: Smirked When You Asked About That Viking Battle AxeGood Reason to Kill #61: Insisted the Earth Is FlatPond Ruins Yet Another Getaway

Not so much "Dirty Harry" as "The Outlaw Josey Wales," I guess, but that's the quote that came to mind. Related StoriesGood Reason to Kill #58: Star Wars Spoiler

Oddly, the lawyer failed to identify any of the alleged misrepresentations. Related StoriesIndyCampers Lose Despite Personal Appearance by JesusMissouri's Governor Appointed to Represent Criminal DefendantThe Story of Eric the (Weed) Entrepreneur

Intoxication isn't normally a defense, but it looks like they made an exception here. Related StoriesShark-Attack Lawsuit Raises Interesting QuestionsCourt Rules Donald Isn't a FascistDachshund Racing Declared Illegal in Idaho

In this edition: another maple-syrup heist; the ABA insists upon right-thinking; more bumbling Australian thieves; and God is not literally a "co-pilot." Related StoriesAssorted Stupidity #92Assorted Stupidity #91Assorted Stupidity #90

Also, is free-diving near hungry sharks a "recreational activity," or a sign of a mental disorder? Related StoriesIs an Alligator a “Deadly Weapon”?Cat InsultedHow Do I Get a Reincarnation Permit?

No, not the guy from The Big Lebowski ... or at least I don't think so. Related StoriesJudge Challenges Defendant to Knit Her Way Out of JailRandom Update: Convictions in Sham-Indian CaseIs It Illegal to Use a Legal Name?

He is a lawyer, but apparently he's not willing to serve. Related StoriesThe Story of Eric the (Weed) EntrepreneurHR 1220: Urging Members to Stop Saying “Physical” Instead of “Fiscal”DWI Charge Dismissed Because Driver Was a Gut-Brewer

And his wait is by no means over. Related StoriesTake the LTB Supreme Court Trivia Quiz“Audible Gasps” in Court as Justice Thomas Asks a QuestionPraying Mantis Species Named After Justice Ginsburg

Just a grab-bag of pants-related legal-humor items. That's all. Related StoriesLowering the Bar Almost Makes Law360’s List of Top 5 Law BlogsAgain, Not a Great Place to Stand During an ArgumentShareholder Faces Erklärungsnot for Extra Saitenwürschtle

And what do strawberry tarts have to do with it? Related StoriesCBP to Settle With Woman Forced to Pay Cost of Cavity Search Apparently He Left “War Criminal” Off His ResuméHappy Memorial Day From the TSA

It's either sixth, or an honorary member of the top 5, or they just needed some extra words for the column, it's hard to say. Related StoriesPants in the NewsAgain, Not a Great Place to Stand During an ArgumentShareholder Faces Erklärungsnot for Extra Saitenwürschtle

WARNING: It is not safe for work. Related StoriesFollow the Chicken, Dramatized

It affirmed, in fact, that he is not to be taken seriously at all. Related StoriesMuseum Sued for Art Depicting Jesus as WhiteGollum Experts to Testify, Says CourtIndiana Briefly Considered Fining Bad Anthem Singers

And it'd be great if this were the only time that had ever happened ... but no. Related StoriesApparently He Left “War Criminal” Off His ResuméHappy Memorial Day From the TSAThe TSA's Million-Dollar App (and My Zero-Dollar Equivalent)

Justice delayed is ... oh, whatever. Related StoriesLord Hanuman Gets Another Court SummonsIndiana Briefly Considered Fining Bad Anthem Singers