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Updated 2024-05-15 08:47
Really Bad Murder Plot Uncovered Partly by Spelling Mistake
"I'm sorry—he wanted death with what?" Related StoriesGuy Steals Four Million Pounds of OrangesUpon Further Review, I Don't Know What to ThinkTIP: He's Probably Not Going to Show Your Snake to His Girlfriend
Lawsuit Alleges Sherman Tank Damaged by “the Elements”
To be fair, if you drop three hundred grand on an armored fighting vehicle, they really should be willing to touch up the paint. Related StoriesPlaintiff: Disney Promised to Help Me Build an X-Wing. Court: No It Didn'tUtah Court Says Woman Can Sue HerselfExpert: Invitation to Child's Party Not Enforceable
Australian Police Searching for Motorized-Picnic-Table Riders
The individuals are not believed to be linked to terrorism.Updated with one relevant point and also something about kangaroos. Related StoriesYes, You Could Get a DWI on a Barbie JeepFormer Giant Tased After Drunken Scooter Chase
TSA Protester Needs Your Help
For just a few dollars you, too, can be bothersome to the TSA and possibly also help make legal precedent. Related StoriesTSA Update: Still Failin'Hey, It Ain't “Deadly Force” to Drop a Tree on a GuyAssorted Stupidity #80
A Swift Dismissal
The complaint has got problems. The court don't think he can solve 'em. Related StoriesHave You Ever Paid Royalties for Singing “Happy Birthday”?
Hey, It Ain’t “Deadly Force” to Drop a Tree on a Guy
Or to shoot him four times, apparently. Not enough of these 1200+ words are jokes, but the cartoon references I think are pretty good. Related StoriesTSA Protester Needs Your HelpGood News: Cops Now Slightly More Likely to Lube You FirstCleveland Police Agree to Stop Hitting People on the Head With Guns
Raiders Player Faces Dog-Taunting Charges
The individual is said to have barked at the K-9 unit. Related StoriesDancing Suddenly Okay Again in Cottonwood HeightsUpon Further Review, I Don't Know What to ThinkHome of Throwed Rolls Sued for Throwin' Rolls
Ideas Too Good to Patent
Tom Giesler's new book depicts inventions the world might be able to do without but really shouldn't have to. Related StoriesSpider-Man Clings to Wall of Supreme CourtOther Things to Read!Author Arrested for Writing About Murder in the 30th Century
Nothing to See Here: People Who Sell Lottery Tickets Are Just Really Lucky
What are the odds a lottery retailer would win so many times in the absence of shenanigans? Well ... "slim" might be an understatement. Related StoriesJudge Rules Man Fathered Only One TwinFinally, a Use for PeriscopeD.C. Prepares to Name an Official Amphipod
TSA Update: Still Failin’
And in all the same ways. But the new administrator says now there's a "laser-focus on mission," so that's good. Related StoriesAssorted Stupidity #80Texas Police Won't Charge Muslim Boy With Clock Possession"Arabic Terror Message" Actually Said "Welcome Home" in Hebrew
PLEASE TAKE NOTICE of the Short-Subway-Sandwich Settlement
It's a settlement all right. Related StoriesHave You Ever Paid Royalties for Singing "Happy Birthday to You"?God's Class Action DismissedTwitter Takedown of Scottish Scam
What You Need to Know About Haunted-House Law
Enter if you dare ... but don't plan on suing later. Related StoriesAccused Italian Cheese Witch May Get New TrialMan Says He Danced on Police Car's Roof to Summon Aid Against VampiresGod's Class Action Dismissed
Good Reason to Kill #57: Barred You From Monopoly Tournament for Unsportsmanlike Conduct
Lots of unanswered questions here. Can this be the next Serial? Related StoriesGood Reason to Kill #56: Disagreed About the Value of a College EducationGood Reason to Kill #55: Dissed Your SmartphoneGood Reason to Kill #54: Was Eating All the Salsa
Efficient Client Service?
It's important to practicing law. Related StoriesIt's the Texas Law Hawk AgainToddler Enjoys Lawyer-Themed Birthday PartyDanny Trejo Does a Lawyer Ad
Assorted Stupidity #80
In this edition: yet another Bieber-related crime, the TSA at "work," a lawyer's argument about stirrups, and one surprisingly easy way to foil a bank robbery. Related StoriesNewsAssorted Stupidity #79Assorted Stupidity #78
Dancing Suddenly Okay Again in Cottonwood Heights
The Dancing Man of Cottonwood Heights has been exonerated. Though questions remain. Related StoriesNo Dancing in Cottonwood HeightsCouncil Takes “Wrath of God” Resolution Off the AgendaUpon Further Review, I Don't Know What to Think
It’s the Texas Law Hawk Again
Talons of Justice. Related StoriesEfficient Client Service?Toddler Enjoys Lawyer-Themed Birthday PartyDanny Trejo Does a Lawyer Ad
Driving While Caffeinated?
Spoiler: it's not against the law. Related StoriesDancing Suddenly Okay Again in Cottonwood HeightsYes, You Could Get a DWI on a Barbie JeepUpon Further Review, I Don't Know What to Think
No Dancing in Cottonwood Heights
It's "disorderly conduct," according to some people. But hey, you can't be too careful. Look the other way and the next thing you know, ISIL will try a disco infiltration. Related StoriesAssorted Stupidity #80Dancing Suddenly Okay Again in Cottonwood HeightsFinally, a Use for Periscope
Accused Italian Cheese Witch May Get New Trial
This is one of those we're-sorry-we-burned-that-person-a-few-centuries-ago cases, but that doesn't mean they all shouldn't get together now and have a second fake trial rigged to come out the right way this time. Related StoriesMan Says He Danced on Police Car's Roof to Summon Aid Against VampiresGod's Class Action DismissedSauron's Ring Makes Brains Disappear
Finally, a Use for Periscope
But hopefully something that no one will ever need to use it for again. Related StoriesCops: We "Expected Privacy" Because We Tried to Smash All the CamerasLegislator Admits Voting While Under Influence of FacebookJudge Rules Man Fathered Only One Twin
Meerkat Expert Liable for Injuring Monkey Handler in Llama-Keeper Dispute
This story has everything: a love triangle, a Christmas-party fracas at the zoo, meerkat experts, monkey handlers, and llama-keepers. Well, almost everything. Related StoriesJudge: Hulkster Limited at Trial to "One Plain Bandana"How Did That Taster's Choice Case Turn Out?Expert: Invitation to Child's Party Not Enforceable
Jury Finds for 12-Year-Old In Closely Watched Hugging Case
Why you might want to have second thoughts the next time you're thinking about suing a child. Related StoriesGod's Class Action DismissedPlaintiff: Disney Promised to Help Me Build an X-Wing. Court: No It Didn'tHow Did That Taster's Choice Case Turn Out?
Randy Quaid Caught Trying to Sneak Back Into U.S.
Hello, boys ... I'm back!Also I'm in custody on $500,000 bail. But still. Related StoriesInsane Clown Posse Wins AppealBREAKING: O.J. Simpson FreedJudge: Hulkster Limited at Trial to "One Plain Bandana"
Council Takes “Wrath of God” Resolution Off the Agenda
"We adopt this Resolution before God that he pass us by in his Coming Wrath." Related StoriesGoat-Slayer Running for Florida SenateLegislator Admits Voting While Under Influence of FacebookCalifornia Town Calls for Ban on Space Weapons
Goat-Slayer Running for Florida Senate
Some say Augustus Sol Invictus sacrificed a goat to the pagan god of the wilderness and then drank goat blood. Actually, HE says that. But he has denied being a fascist who wants to start another Civil War, so let's not jump to conclusions. Related Stories"Game of Thrones" Fan Demands Trial by CombatToddler Enjoys Lawyer-Themed Birthday PartyEric Holder Begins New Career in Comedy
Oooooh!
New website! Brief introductory post explaining a couple of things! Exciting! Sort of! Related StoriesA New WebsiteNewsA Shameless Request for Votes
A New Website
I've been in the process of designing a new site for a while now and am just about ready to launch it. Exciting, I know. Anyway, here are a few minor things about the upcoming transition. Once the transfer starts... Related StoriesNewsA Shameless Request for VotesMOM! I'm Representing Myself, Okay?! God!
D.C. Prepares to Name an Official Amphipod
Other states may have their crustaceans, but only D.C. would have an amphipod. Which is also a crustacean, but still. And D.C. isn't a state, but also, still. Related StoriesD.C. Prepares to Name an Official AmphipodCostumed Bear Harasser Wanted by Authorities, EvolutionThe Octopus: Honorary Vertebrate?
D.C. Prepares to Name an Official Amphipod
As I mentioned back in April, although the District of Columbia is not a state it has adopted a few official things just like all the states have. At the time of that post it had limited itself to an... Related StoriesCostumed Bear Harasser Wanted by Authorities, EvolutionThe Octopus: Honorary Vertebrate?Official State Crap: District of Columbia
Good News: Cops Now Slightly More Likely to Lube You First
The Ninth Circuit made it just a little less likely that officers will try to yank something out of your butt without a warrant. Related StoriesGood News: Cops Now Slightly More Likely to Lube You FirstCleveland Police Agree to Stop Hitting People on the Head With GunsGod's Class Action Dismissed
Good News: Cops Now Slightly More Likely to Lube You First
Some things are funny because they're funny; other things are funny (at least to me) because they're so outrageous that the brain realizes the alternatives are fury, depression, or maybe furious depression, and it does what it can to channel... Related StoriesCleveland Police Agree to Stop Hitting People on the Head With GunsGod's Class Action DismissedProgress on the Police-Filming Front
Guy Steals Four Million Pounds of Oranges
Say—weren't there six to eight million oranges here just a minute ago? Related StoriesUpon Further Review, I Don't Know What to ThinkTIP: He's Probably Not Going to Show Your Snake to His GirlfriendBumbling Australian ATM Thief of the Week
Guy Steals Four Million Pounds of Oranges
A Florida man (no surprise there) has been charged with stealing some oranges, according to the Florida Department of Agriculture. Mostly oranges, anyway; depending on the mix and type of fruit he took, the number of oranges involved was probably... Related StoriesUpon Further Review, I Don't Know What to ThinkTIP: He's Probably Not Going to Show Your Snake to His GirlfriendBumbling Australian ATM Thief of the Week
Have You Ever Paid Royalties for Singing “Happy Birthday”?
At least if you paid them to Warner/Chappell Music, Inc., good news: you might be getting that money back. Of course, this is probably much better news for your lawyers, but still.
News
I'm always usually behind on stupid legal developments for various reasons including the huge amount of stupid source material. But I've been further behind than usual lately because I am redesigning the site (yes, again) and preparing to move it... Related StoriesA New WebsiteAssorted Stupidity #79A Shameless Request for Votes
Insane Clown Posse Wins Appeal
Sixth Circuit holds that ICP and affiliated Juggalo plaintiffs have standing to try to vacate the FBI's classification of Juggalos as a "gang." Whoop whoop! Related StoriesBREAKING: O.J. Simpson FreedJudge: Hulkster Limited at Trial to "One Plain Bandana"Donald Trump Sued Scotland
Have You Ever Paid Royalties for Singing "Happy Birthday to You"?
At least if you paid them to Warner/Chappell Music, Inc., good news: you might be getting that money back. Of course, this is probably much better news for your lawyers, but still. This chapter of the long-running legal saga involving... Related StoriesGod's Class Action DismissedPlaintiff: Disney Promised to Help Me Build an X-Wing. Court: No It Didn'tCopyright Office Weighs in on Monkey Pictures
Insane Clown Posse Wins Appeal
Last Thursday, the Sixth Circuit reinstated the lawsuit by ICP and certain Juggalos (the group's fans) challenging the FBI's classification of Juggalos—collectively—as a "hybrid gang" in its 2011 National Gang Threat Assessment. (NBC News, link to decision). More specifically, it... Related StoriesBREAKING: O.J. Simpson FreedJudge: Hulkster Limited at Trial to "One Plain Bandana"Donald Trump Sued Scotland
Alice Springs: Thigh-Stabbin' Capital of the World
The really interesting site Atlas Obscura has an article this week on Alice Springs, a town of about 28,000 that is smack in the middle of Australia. Americans may have heard of it because there is a U.S./Australian satellite tracking... Related StoriesPlease Read This Before Bombing New Mexico"Game of Thrones" Fan Demands Trial by CombatFrozen Guru Update (June 2015)
Alice Springs: Thigh-Stabbin’ Capital of the World
Science solves the mystery of why more people are stabbed in the thigh in Alice Springs, Australia, than anywhere else in the world. Related StoriesPlease Read This Before Bombing New Mexico"Game of Thrones" Fan Demands Trial by CombatFrozen Guru Update (June 2015)
Texas Police Won't Charge Muslim Boy With Clock Possession
As you've probably heard (Dallas Morning News, Washington Post, Popehat, everybody else who gets up earlier than I do, which is apparently everybody), police in Irving, Texas, have announced that they will not bring charges against 14-year-old Ahmed Mohamed. This... Related Stories"Arabic Terror Message" Actually Said "Welcome Home" in HebrewKansas Senator: Terrorists Could Infiltrate Fort Leavenworth by ... Submarine?The Torch Has Been Passed
"God Would Not Go Around With Pants Down," Says Councilman
I've written about anti-saggy-pants legislation several times, but this is an argument I'd never considered before. It was made in Dadeville, Alabama (pop. 3,200 and falling), where the city council is about to regulate not only pants height but also... Related StoriesCostumed Bear Harasser Wanted by Authorities, EvolutionWet Willy and Mr. NubTIP: He's Probably Not Going to Show Your Snake to His Girlfriend
BREAKING: O.J. Simpson Freed
... from uncertainty as to how the Nevada Supreme Court will rule in his case, because it denied his appeal yesterday. Sorry—now that I look at that headline, it seems a little misleading. I need to be more careful about... Related StoriesTeens Charged With Exploiting ThemselvesWet Willy and Mr. NubNorwegian Inmate Slowly Paddles to Freedom
Ninth Circuit: Big Mountain Jesus Can Stay Put
In a split decision on August 31, the Ninth Circuit Court of Appeals held that Big Mountain Jesus need not move to a different location. If, like me, you assumed that "Big Mountain Jesus" was a DJ or band of...
Assorted Stupidity #79
According to Travel Sentry, Inc., it "creates and manages standards that improve travel security" in cooperation with agencies like the TSA. It doesn't make luggage locks, but locks made to its standards are "officially recognized and accepted" by the agencies.... Related StoriesAssorted Stupidity #78Trumpet While DrivingAssorted Stupidity #77
Yes, You Could Get a DWI on a Barbie Jeep
Tara Monroe is a college student in Texas who has gained some notoriety for her response to a DWI arrest in March. Monroe, whose "license was automatically suspended after [she refused] a breathalyzer test after a Waka Flocka concert," then... Related StoriesFormer Giant Tased After Drunken Scooter Chase
TIP: Destroy Sensitive Documents With Shredder, Not Chicken Farm
Not only is there nothing wrong with destroying documents as a matter of course, everybody should be routinely destroying documents and other data they don't really need. See Arthur Andersen LLP v. United States, 544 U.S. 696, 704 (2005) (noting... Related StoriesAll-Purpose Order Denying Motion to SealOrder on One Millionth Discovery DisputeObjection: Annoying
Teens Charged With Exploiting Themselves
Let me just warn you in advance that the following sentence will make no sense at all: After a 16-year-old Fayetteville girl made a sexually explicit nude photo of herself for her boyfriend last fall, the Cumberland County Sheriff's Office... Related StoriesWet Willy and Mr. NubNorwegian Inmate Slowly Paddles to FreedomTIP: He's Probably Not Going to Show Your Snake to His Girlfriend
The Taiwanese Animators Notice Missouri's Failed Gerrymander
The story of the failed gerrymander attempt in Columbia, Missouri (see "Gerrymanders Miss One Person" (Aug. 31)), has been extremely popular, and not just in the United States. The famous Taiwanese Animators have now turned it into a video starring... Related StoriesDanny Trejo Does a Lawyer AdA Bit of Parliamentary Jiggery-PokeryDefendant Pleads Guilty to Kicking an Owl While Paragliding
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