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Time for your weekly edition of the Deadspin Funbag. Got something on your mind? Email the Funbag. Today, we’re talking onside kicks, hall passes, sauces, and more.

Boxers Mikaela Lauren and Cecilia Braekhus were performing the obligatory staredown at a press event Monday when Lauren went in for a kiss. It’s surprising that more boxing faceoffs don’t end like this. They get so close to each other!Read more...

Bowler Joe Novara, 26, of East Patchogue, N.Y., threw three perfect games for a perfect 900 series, the 34th such series to be certified (and the 33rd person to bowl one).Read more...

Welcome to Bad Quarterback Performance Of The Week, a recurring feature in which we celebrate the worst quarterback play the NFL has to offer.Read more...

To keep, or not to keep. That was the question. Whether ‘twas nobler in the mind of Leicester City’s board to suffer under a popular but mediocre manager just because his presence and style called to mind the glory days of a yore, or if the club should shit-can him in an effort to hopefully live up to their potential,…Read more...

Joel Embiid—who was great enough last season that he maybe should have been the Rookie of the Year despite averaging just 25.4 minutes in 31 games—will start the season on a minutes restriction. It makes sense, since he missed his first two entire NBA seasons with injuries and sat out 51 games last year and is very,…Read more...

There is a cow on the loose in Brooklyn. Livestream here. He’s on a soccer field so this is sports.

Although it’s already grown to feel like one of this nation’s landmark lawsuits, Houston Nutt’s battle with Ole Miss officially came to a close Monday evening, just three months after the ex-Rebels coach vengefully set his old program aflame.Read more...

The Packers’ quarterback situation is suddenly very dire. Aaron Rodgers is likely out for the season with a broken collarbone, and the team now has to start Brett Hundley, a former fifth-round pick with 44 career NFL pass attempts. Perhaps even more worrying is the fact that behind Hundley is Joe Callahan, a former…Read more...

In addition to bears, Beats, and Battlestar Galactica, we also can’t stop talking about deals on an Oster blender, pillows, and air-powered impact tools.Read more...

The Clymb has everything you could need to get outdoors and do it properly, for a whole lot less than you’d think you’d need to pay. Right now, take your pick of apparel, gear, hiking accessories, and more, and grab 15% off when you use the code GOKINJA. With brands like Prana, Burton, Merrel, New Balance, Klymit, and…Read more...

Kotaku Nintendo Reveals The Truth About Mysterious Famicom Cartridge Holes | Jalopnik The Polestar 1 Is A Wildly Advanced 600 HP Hybrid Sports Coupe You Can’t Really Own | io9 A Bizarre Tie-In May Hint at Another DC Hero Coming to Justice League | The A.V. Club “You’ve got to walk yourself to the edge”: Patton Oswalt…Read more...

GQ has a big LeBron James feature out today, and in it the Cavs superstar is asked about the crazy letter Cavs owner Dan Gilbert wrote after James left Cleveland for Miami in 2010. Specifically, he’s asked if he believes Gilbert’s letter had racial overtones:

Kings rookie PG De’Aaron Fox was born in Louisiana, went to high school in Texas, college at Kentucky, and is settling in to his new life in Sacramento. And, as with anyone who goes to California for the first time, he’s been bombarded by locals’ boasts about a certain fast-food chain. He’s supremely unimpressed.Read more...

MLS is not and for the foreseeable future will not be one of this country’s so-called Big Four, but let no one say the scrappy upstart doesn’t extort American cities like a big-boy league. The league’s rapid expansion—someone without a stake in the matter would say too rapid has cities from Cincinnati to St. Louis to …Read more...

When it comes to getting a good night’s sleep, it really starts with the pillow. You’ve probably had yours way too long and it’s time to replace that sucker. Amazon’s Gold Box is (down) filled with single and 2-pack pillow sets for great prices. But don’t sleep on this deal, because it’s gone at the end of the day.

[Headline source: New York Times]Read more...

Large Yankees outfielder Aaron Judge made quite the catch in the top of the fourth inning tonight, crashing into the right field wall to snare a deep fly ball before tumbling over backwards:

Gregg Popovich has never been hesitant to criticize Donald Trump when reporters ask him for his thoughts. However, in the wake of the president’s baffling claim that Barack Obama “and other presidents” never called grieving military families, Popovich, who served in the Air Force, went out of his way to get his takes…Read more...

Recently ousted Tigers manager Brad Ausmus is looking for another team. Just, uh, not one as messy as the Mets—the man has standards, you know.Read more...

A disclosure: The last time I went skimboarding, I ended up face down in the Sacramento River with a mouthful of mud and so am not what anyone would call an “expert.” However, even a blockhead like me could tell you that this expert bro catches the hell out of this wave.

Jalopnik Police Chase With Allegedly Stolen White Dodge Challenger Hellcat Is Like Real-Life Vanishing Point | io9 And Now Star Trek: Discovery Has Lost Its Soul | Kotaku Former Naughty Dog Employee Says He Was Fired After Filing Sexual Harassment Complaint | Lifehacker Men: Respond to #MeToo With #IWill | The A.V.…Read more...

Making official what it set forth to do three weeks ago, the Louisville Athletic Association’s board voted unanimously on Monday to fire men’s basketball head coach Rick Pitino. Again, just to avoid any confusion, Pitino is not being fired for the other recruiting scandal, in which Louisville hired prostitutes for…Read more...

Earlier this year, Detroit Tigers slugger Miguel Cabrera was sued in Orange County (Fla.) Superior Court for not providing sufficient child support for the two children he allegedly fathered with Orlando woman Belkis Rodriguez. The Detroit News first reported on the lawsuit this morning.

A few weeks ago, while catching up on some Big Apple sports news, I came upon this incredible sentence:

Barstool Sports founder Dave Portnoy, a guy who once took great pleasure in calling women “cunts,” posed a question to one of his female subordinates live on the radio. The question was: Actually, should Harvey Weinstein be allowed to demand sex from actresses in exchange for roles in movies? Get ready to listen to…Read more...

This man at Sunday’s Patriots-Jets game respects the United States and its national anthem so much that he turned the country’s flag into a picnic blanket. Reader Marshall spotted the patriot, who is better than all of us, at the Jets’ stadium.Read more...

It was the day after hurricane Irma had hit Puerto Rico, and Luis Galarza Figueroa was left without options. Walking outside of his family’s home in Barceloneta after the storm subsided, he could see trees and cables on the ground. The power, something Figueora needed for many things including his burgeoning…Read more...

The Trail Blazers will be without C.J. McCollum for their season opener, and McCollum will be without a game check of $165,000. The NBA suspended Portland’s guard one game after he walked away from the bench and onto the court during Wednesday’s preseason scuffle between Caleb Swanigan and Alex Len.

While the senior members of the United States Men’s National Team are holding their heads in intense shame after getting owned in horrifying public fashion and failing to qualify for the World Cup, the U.S. under-17 national team is killing it. The U-17 group is stocked with some of the hottest prospects in U.S.…Read more...

Welcome to Meat Sack, a guide to sports-related body horror. Today’s column is about fucked-up ears.

With 1:12 left in the game and on second down, Jaguars head coach Doug Marrone attempted a field goal. The play made sense: Since Jacksonville was down by 10 to the Rams and needed two possessions regardless, it’d be better to get points as soon as possible instead of pissing away the clock with more Blake Bortles…Read more...

To the extent that there has been any joy to be found in the NFL this year, it was Aaron Rodgers that delivered it. In a season otherwise dominated by bad quarterbacks, bad games, lazy blowouts, and the noisy co-opting of demonstrations originally meant to protest racial injustice, Rodgers was both brilliant and fun.…Read more...

When Browns head coach Hue Jackson announced that he was benching rookie quarterback DeShone Kizer last week, it seemed like he had a decent plan in mind. The Browns, already 0-5 at that point, had three more games against the Texans, Titans, and Vikings before their bye week. Here was a chance for Kizer to get some…Read more...

Deadspin did a blind milk taste test. There were multiple fat percentages, and one non-cow wild card. Each of the six participants sipped the four milks and recorded their answers. You should watch the video, but here are the results:Read more...

Bosnian second-tier club Bosna Visoko was down 1-0 to Zvijezda with two minutes left in regulation when they decided that Zvijezda’s attempts to run out the clock were too much to bear. So they gave up.Read more...

Adrian Peterson looked bad with the Saints. Awful, even. He was averaging just three yards a carry, his longest run was 11 yards, and it came on first and 20. He had carried the ball just 27 times.Read more...

Before John Lackey gave up a walk-off three-run homer to Justin Turner in Game 2 of the NLCS, he treated viewers of the game to a special version of baseball hell.

The idea, or part of it, was to tell Francisco Cabrera what he did to me. I wanted to let him know that the greatest moment of his otherwise anonymous big-league career was such a gut-punch in my life. I wanted to relate to him how funereal things were for me the next day at school, and how long that feeling of dread…Read more...

Two things happened. First, the Giants did not look anything like themselves last night (for instance, they won). Second, head coach Ben McAdoo finally surrendered play-calling duties to offensive coordinator Mike Sullivan. He did so quietly, with most of his players not even aware of the fact until after the game.…Read more...

io9 Another Familiar Villain Will Return for the Avatar Movies | The A.V. Club An old new face returns on a not terrible Star Trek: Discovery | Jalopnik Here Is When Engine Braking Can Save More Gas Than Coasting | Kotaku Sonic’s Collaboration With Hooters Looks Grim | Lifehacker Everything You Need to Know to Get…Read more...

During the offseason, the Dodgers gave big contracts to three of their own free agents: Rich Hill, Justin Turner, and Kenley Jansen. At the time, it seemed like the team would have to lose at least one of those high-priced players—what team in recent history has not had to pick and choose who to retain?—but then Hill…Read more...

Sure, it took an enormous fluke, but the schizophrenic Steelers topped the previously unbeaten Chiefs and are right back in the thick of the AFC chase. They’re there without much success from No. 2 receiver Martavis Bryant, and his frustrations have reached the point where he’s requested a trade.Read more...

Whether it’s a knee brace, compression shorts, or a ventilated duffel bag, this Amazon Gold Box is a god send for those of us that work out. Get the no-show socks you need, or that ankle brace you’ve been needing, even moisture-wicking boxers briefs. Though, if you need to stock up, you’d better do it fast, because …Read more...

Justin Turner delivered a John Lackey fastball over the left-center field fence to drop a devastating 4-1 loss on the Cubs and give his Dodgers a 2-0 NLCS lead.Read more...

“And let’s face it: the Giants are coming off a worse week than Harvey Weinstein, and they’re up by 14 points!”Read more...

“For the last time: anything that you put on that prompter, Dick Stockton will read.”Read more...

Check out the still image above: Steelers receiver Antonio Brown is at about the Chiefs’ 35-yard line and is flanked by two defenders. Kansas City cornerback Phillip Gaines has just tipped the pass; safety Daniel Sorensen is there to make the tackle. And yet, Brown scored a 51-yard TD.Read more...

In the first round of the Nippon Professional Baseball playoffs in Japan, the Hanshin Tigers and Yokohama DeNA Baystars battled through absolutely absurd conditions to play an entire baseball game in the mud. The result was unlike any baseball game I’ve ever seen. To watch the highlights with the full swampy effect, …Read more...