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Time for your weekly edition of the Deadspin Funbag. Got something on your mind? Email the Funbag. Today, we’re talking the Super Bowl, cookie dough, accents, Instant Pots, and more.

To the very long and constantly growing list of Giannis Antetokounmpo’s skills, please add “Knick-killer.” Last year, in three games, he averaged 28.0 points, 10.3 rebounds, 4.3 assists, 2.3 steals, and 3.7 blocks. (Terrifyingly, this year these are starting to look like normal Giannis numbers against even competent…Read more...

Georgian Big 10 league rugby sides Kharebi and Armazi met last Friday in Rustavi, Georgia (the central Asian country, not the southeastern state) for a friendly brawl, and also apparently a rugby match. Armazi won the match, 22-17, though it’s a bit more difficult to suss out who won the fight.Read more...

Bulls guard Zach LaVine has played just 11 games since returning from a torn ACL that cost him a big chunk of last season. As is the case whenever a player known for his athleticism returns from an ACL injury, there were some questions about whether LaVine would remain a purveyor of big dunks.

It only took a couple months for everyone to realize what had seemed obvious from the outset: that Gerard Deulofeu had made a big mistake coming back to Barcelona. Despite the Neymar departure and Barça’s subsequent struggles to lock down a replacement opening up an unexpectedly perfect avenue for Deulofeu to sprint…Read more...

Last week I published a long story about my near-fatal bacterial infection six months ago, and the material benefits that kept me alive. Since the piece ran I have been completely overwhelmed by reader responses.Read more...

I can think of no harsher or more depressing condemnation of the, god, coming up on 15 years Ernie Grunfeld, a cartilage-brained nincompoop who never saw a ruinous short-sighted midseason trade he didn’t like, has spent as the head personnel honcho of the Washington Wizards than that the following sort of vaguely…Read more...

Soccer connects people on a global scale, but when you play FIFA, it’s easy to only use your favorite teams. As a Mexican from Chicago, my allegiances lie with Liga MX and MLS, respectively, with some UK Premier League thrown in. Lately, though, I’ve found myself largely playing with obscure teams, and it’s made my …Read more...

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A brief trailer for the new Star Wars movie starring some fucking guy as Han Solo and Donald Glover as Lando Calrissian aired during the Super Bowl. That was enough to inspire internet genius Demi Adejuyigbe to make a fake rap as Childish Gambino, the name Glover uses while rapping:

If you’re in an area that stays cold longer than you’d like, or your travels take you to camping-ready regions with fun names like Jackson Hole, Trew’s layering and merino pieces are your answer. Right now, use the code KINJA40 on these select items and grab 40% off select items like the Roam 3/4 Bib and the Wander…Read more...

It’s not yet officially a lost season for the Oilers, sexy preseason Cup picks who find themselves far out of a playoff spot, but it’s been a disaster so far. Meanwhile the Lightning have been the only consistently great team this year in a league packed with mediocrity. So what happened on Monday when Tampa came to…Read more...

1,200 security staffers have been sent home due to a norovirus outbreak just days before the Pyeongchang Winter Olympics are scheduled to kick off.Read more...

Police were called to Patriots tight end Rob Gronkowski’s house this evening for a reported burglary, according to Boston 25 News.

Michigan State interim president John Engler has told school employees to preserve all documents that could be used in the investigations that the institution faces in the wake of decades of sexual abuse by former university employee Dr. Larry Nassar.Read more...

Let’s talk about what’s needed to be a truly outstanding representative of the National Football League on the big stage. Let’s talk about poise. Let’s talk about composure. Let’s talk about grace under pressure. Grit! Balance! A cool head! You know who embodied all of that last night? More than anyone? Of course you…Read more...

It would make sense if this fact had eluded you, but in between contentious referee decisions there was actually a hell of a game of soccer played at Anfield yesterday between Liverpool and Tottenham. Because the job of managing is so inherently conspiratorial, and fandom so often joyless and blinkered, and media…Read more...

Adam Lallana has had a terrible year. The Liverpool midfielder missed the first four months of the season with an injury, and has since experienced setback after setback. He got to take the field with the Liverpool U-23 squad today, an appearance which came to a fitting and abrupt end, when he was sent off in the 63rd…Read more...

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BLOOMINGTON, Minn. — When it opened in 1992, the Mall of America was so big the owners offered rentable cell phones so shoppers could contact each other throughout the mall. It is now the second-largest mall in the country in terms of gross leasable space, behind the King of Prussia Mall in suburban Philadelphia.

The Eagles outpunched the Patriots in Super Bowl 52, with Nick Foles somehow keeping pace with Tom Brady even with Brady performing at the top of his game. The Eagles fused their play-calling, play design, and use of personnel packages into an attack so modern, so devastating it humbled Bill Belichick on the game’s…Read more...

Back in November, when the Los Angeles Rams revealed themselves as a legitimately formidable and dominant team, a significant share of the success seemed like it could be credited to simply getting rid of head coach and possible quarterback poisoner Jeff Fisher. Since then, it is clear that I was too lenient on Fisher.Read more...

Colts linebacker Edwin Jackson and his rideshare driver were killed early Sunday morning on the shoulder of an Indianapolis highway, when a suspected drunk driver veered off the road and hit them both. Indiana State Police believe Jackson asked his driver Jeffrey Monroe to pull over because he was feeling sick, and…Read more...

Sunday was a hell of a night for sports fans as America’s (other) team won the Super Bowl, making Tom Brady’s kids cry.

The Philadelphia Eagles are Super Bowl champions after defeating the New England Patriots 41-33 Sunday, and they couldn’t have done it without the stellar performance from backup quarterback Nick Foles and his reportedly gigantic hog.Read more...

The bulk of Deadspin’s staff declared the Eagles’ fourth-down, trick-play pass to quarterback Nick Foles their favorite moment of last night’s Super Bowl. Here, then, is how a dozen broadcasters called the play—ranging from Kevin Harlan on Westwood One radio to Gerard Whateley on Australian radio to ESPN Brasil’s…Read more...

Last night, the Philadelphia Eagles scored a fourth-down touchdown with one of the most inventive plays in modern Super Bowl history, averaged over six yards per rush, and punted just once. Yet they were somehow, statistically speaking, the Super Bowl’s second-best offense. Tom Brady’s 505 passing yards are a playoff…Read more...

If you need anything for the outdoors, Backcountry has it on sale. With up to 50% off a ton of stuff during their Semi-Annual Sale, there are thousands of items on sale. Outerwear, boots, bags, and more are discounted, so maybe it’s time to think about going for a winter camping trip.

Thank god for Brandon Graham. It was his effectively game-sealing strip-sack of Tom Brady—an actual, incontrovertible football play, a display of the kind of strength and athleticism and determination that bring us to the sport in the first place, a moment for which there was no reason to doubt your lying eyes or…Read more...

Be a happy and honest sports fan with this one simple trick: understand that moral values have nothing to do with on-field performance. That’s a foundational principle of this website, as far as I can tell, but abiding by it will stop you from making mistakes that have nothing to do with sports. It can remind you not…Read more...

One of the many odd sidebars to the Trump presidency has been seeing what happens when an unsocialized puff pastry who has lived his entire life in an environment custom-built to nurture his weirdest impulses is suddenly asked to do the sort of ceremonial normal things presidents are supposed to do. These are the…Read more...

There is never a guarantee you’ll get a Patriots Schadenfreude Day. There are years when they win a Super Bowl and you just gotta sit there with gritted teeth while Brian O’Brian from Dickchester hoots and hollers and flashes imaginary rings and celebrates yet another Pats Super Bowl win by blinding an immigrant.

Apart from the task of deciding how things should be done morally, there is the more mundane but equally important task of accurately describing how things are done. In American politics, our failure at morality is complete. Our failure to describe this failure makes everything worse.Read more...

If you want an idea of how NBA players feel about the Ball family and their Big Baller Brand apparel, I reckon Giannis Antetokounmpo’s reaction to seeing one of his fans in a BBB shirt is a good indication.

Ram debuted an ad at the Super Bowl last night featuring the appropriated words of the Reverend Dr. Martin Luther King Jr. If you haven’t seen it, it was bad and dumb, and has been derided pretty much across the board. But it’s not just the use of King’s words to sell trucks that got it wrong—it’s what the rest of…Read more...

What makes these videos of native Philadelphians Kobe Bryant and Dion Waiters going nuts the moment the Eagles officially defeated the Patriots to win their first Super Bowl is how relatable they are. Trust me.Read more...

Here are some things Philadelphians did after the Eagles won the Super bowl:Read more...

Larry Nassar was sentenced to 40 to 125 more years in prison today by Judge Janice Cunningham for three counts of first-degree criminal sexual conduct in Eaton County, Mich. The sentence was the final of three for Nassar, following a 60-year sentence on federal pornography charges handed down in December, and a 40-175…Read more...

MINNEAPOLIS — It was hard to tell what happened.

Malcolm Butler, the hero of Super Bowl 49 and starting cornerback for the Patriots all season, wasn’t on the field for any defensive snaps as New England lost 41-33 to the Eagles in Super Bowl 52. If you have an answer for why: Please get in touch, Bill Belichick.

There is either something wrong with me or something wrong with this man, because I have never been so happy about anything that I thought it would be a good idea to get a heaping mouthful of horse manure, and I don’t think there’s something wrong with me.Read more...

Valentine’s Day is mostly BS, but occasionally a day to celebrate love and all that jazz. It’s also a day of make-or-break gifting, which can go south real quick. Amazon has over 50 watches to choose from in this Valentine’s Day-gifting Gold Box, from brands like Citizen, Fossil, Invicta, Timex, and more. But you’d…Read more...

Brandon Graham’s strip sack of Tom Brady and Derek Barnett’s recovery of the ball proved to be a deciding play of this year’s Super Bowl. We’ve compiled 13 different broadcasts of the play, including the local announcers as well as TV and radio from five different continents. (Our favorite is Australia—with Kevin…Read more...

Listen to this man, Philadelphia. He is speaking for you, and to you:Read more...

What was Kevin Hart doing there, anyway!?

Please be safe out there.

There will be plenty of time tomorrow to break down the big plays and big decisions of tonight’s 41-33 Eagles Super Bowl win. For now, let’s be content to bask in the photographic record. We as a country may have finally turned a corner.Read more...

Underdogs in every playoff game they played, the Philadelphia Eagles just won the fucking Super Bowl. Their first ever. I still can’t really believe it. Neither can Tom Brady up there.Read more...

Patriots WR Brandin Cooks is done for the game after suffering a likely brain injury on a helmet-to-helmet hit from Malcolm Jenkins. Cooks walked off the field—with help—during the injury timeout, but just eight minutes later it was announced he will not return.