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Sing it with us: Thhhhaaat makes you lager than life... Shit hoppened for the Heart & Seoul karaoke lounge in Utah after the US state's alcohol control authority yesterday rejected its application to serve beer.…

He'll only spend 22 weeks in the chokey... but that's just the start of his legal woes Former WikiLeaker-in-chief Julian Assange has been sentenced to 11 months in prison after jumping bail and fleeing into Ecuador's London embassy for more than seven years.…

CLL doors open in two weeks Events We'll be opening the doors to Continuous Lifecycle London in just two weeks' time, so if you want to join us for the best in DevOps, CI/CD, Containers and Serverless, the clock is ticking.…

There's insecure and then there's insecure NordVPN has been told to stop misleading world+dog with claims in telly ads that public Wi-Fi is inherently insecure.…

Blockbuster quarter, eh, Tim? Apple crowed over its best three months ever for its services biz, including things like Apple TV and Apple Pay, in its reported results for Q2 ended March 30. Overall, however, Apple had a 5 per cent decrease in revenue from the previous year’s Q2.…

More flash squeezed into HyperDrive Density+ boxes Open-source storage enthusiasts at SoftIron are touting a hybrid storage array that combines a bunch of HDDs and SSDs with Arm64-compatible Seattle system-on-chips from AMD and free Ceph software.…

ISS power problems keep Dragon on the ground for a few more days The 17th SpaceX resupply mission to the International Space Station has been delayed to no earlier than 3 May as ground controllers work on a plan to deal with a power problem onboard the orbiting lab.…

Big Red rushes out software patch as ransomware scumbags move in IT admins overseeing Oracle's WebLogic Server installations need to get patching immediately: miscreants are exploiting what was a zero-day vulnerability in the software to pump ransomware into networks.…

Roadmap laid out for 7nm 'Rome' Epyc, Navi GPUs Chip second-fiddle AMD, a day away from its 50th anniversary, delivered better-than-expected Q1 2019 earnings on Tuesday, lifting its share price about four per cent in after-hours trading to $28.66 apiece.…

Nabbed in Thailand, extradited... and now formally charged A Russian citizen has been charged with defrauding US taxpayers out of at least $1.5m through a series of tax-return hacks.…

Same day Zuckerberg declares with a straight face at F8 event: 'The future is private' Microsoft has vowed to put an end to lengthy and confusing privacy controls and "give customers increased transparency and control over their data."…

Upstart enlists CapGemini to manage Docker Enterprise Container popularizer Docker on Tuesday opened its DockerCon 19 conference in San Francisco with an amiable video of Docker employees stumbling over obtuse platform lingo.…

'Many companies pay us for our work, and we do not publish data and help them to eliminate vulnerabilities' A service provider hired by the likes of Oracle, SAP, BT, and many others, to manage their IT systems has been hacked – and its client data held to ransom.…

For the diner that wants to chow down on ML and analytics data but can't stomach Tesla Volta V100 costs Google has become the first bringer of clouds to sell server instances equipped with Nvidia’s Tesla T4 GPUs in general availability.…

Misty water-coloured, er, smartphone biz didn't help either ... The roller-coaster nature of semiconductor demand caught Samsung napping in calendar Q1 (PDF) resulting in a 60 per cent dive in profits, the lowest haul since the fiery Galaxy Note 7 debacle of 2017.…

We all want to see hard proof of deliberate espionage. This is absolutely not it A claimed deliberate spying "backdoor" in Huawei routers used in the core of Vodafone Italy's 3G network was, in fact, a Telnet-based remote debug interface.…

It's all perfectly safe Has your hiking holiday in Kazakhstan fallen through? Not to worry. The UN has greenlit the opening of trails along the heavily, heavily fortified border that divides South and North Korea.…

Say it with us now: Despiiiiite Brexit Equinix has opened a £90m colocation facility in godforsaken Slough – its ninth around Greater London and 12th in the UK.…

AWS Outposts on horizon as infra giants look to cram their hardware in YOUR bit barn Amazon Web Services bulked up in 2018, jugging down a protein shake of $2.3bn in cloudy infrastructure services revenues – equalling Google's total haul for the 12 months.…

If it's Boeing, I'm not going Boeing has once again been shaken by its 737 Max saga, this time after it was revealed that safety features for the controversial airliner were inactive – which was not what the airlines flying the craft had been led to believe.…

You and me baby ain't nothing but mammals, so let's do it like they do 'n' route tech sales through the channel NetApp has laid off a bunch of staff in EMEA, shuttering certain offices and withdrawing a direct presence in the countries where it is deemed economically viable to sell only via channel types.…

Nvidia's fancy Volta V100 chips not always worth it If you’ve been thinking about building your own deep learning computer for a while but haven’t quite got 'round to it, here’s another reminder. Not only is it cheaper to do so, but the subsequent build can also be faster at training neural networks than renting GPUs on cloud platforms.…

Projects lose 'pilot' bit, bask in glow of top-level love The OpenStack Foundation has announced that Kata Containers and Zuul have been very, very good and so worthy of the moniker "Top-Level Open Infrastructure Project" after the teams met the foundation's lofty goals.…

Prepare your business for the rewards of AI Sponsored webcast More and more enterprises of all sizes are understanding the value of cutting edge technologies such as machine learning and artificial intelligence (AI) in improving customer experiences and streamlining business processes.…

Server-cabinet-sized chunk has new management tools US data centre power biz Vertiv reports that li-ion cells are selling like hot cakes, and are now responsible for a third of its battery business - despite lingering concerns about their safety among some IT pros.…

Hapless soul repents 'unintentionally' sharing drone makers privates in repo A Chinese software developer who previously expressed suicidal thoughts has been jailed after putting one of drone company DJI's AES private keys onto Github in plain text.…

Automated cloud provisioning joins the mile-high club The OpenStack Foundation took advantage of its Denver shindig to emit version 1.0 of Airship, a collection of open source tools aimed at simplifying building cloud systems.…

'It was easy, for some definition of easy,' solver tells El Reg A cryptographic puzzle proposed two decades ago that involves roughly 80 trillion squarings has been cracked much earlier than expected – in just three and a half years.…

Alphabet quiet on cloud business results, other bets lose a small fortune Google parent Alphabet reported $36.34bn in revenue and $9.50 earnings per share on Monday for its Q1 2019 quarter, rather less than investors had anticipated.…

...let us bring you up to date on infosec bits and bytes Roundup Here's your quick-fire summary of recent computer security news.…

Click to read to disappointingly logical answer Comment The President's son Donald Trump Jr broke the Computer Fraud and Abuse Act, a US federal law.…

War over Middle Kingdom's 5G gear heats up Analysis Fallout over a leaked decision by the UK government to allow equipment from Chinese manufacturer Huawei into Britain's "non-core" 5G networks has continued into a second week.…

If you're getting HPE deja vu, so are we Dell Technologies World Hardware giant Dell and its software-slinging sibling VMware have unveiled a service that enables customers to deploy Dell-EMC-built IT infrastructure on-premises without having to buy it outright.…

Security bods ask for help figuring out who left Microsoft-hosted barn door open A pair of security researchers working on a web mapping project for security biz vpnMentor have identified what they claim is a database that exposes 80 million US households.…

Snitches get switches, apparently - as 802.11ax(ed) and sexy 6 moniker stitched Networking overlord Cisco has unveiled Wi-Fi access points and core switches supporting the latest wireless networking standard, the 802.11ax – otherwise known as Wi-Fi 6.…

A month late for April Fool’s Day Norwegian fishermen are being harassed by an apparently Russian-trained Beluga whale.…

It's about privacy, not competition, sniffs Jesus-phone maker Apple has smacked back at app developers moaning that their parental control apps were chucked off the App Store.…

Don’t be touching the DNS Updated Sky Broadband has rolled out a firmware update which is bricking users’ broadband hubs if they are not set to use the ISP's default choice of domain name server.…

Big hot machines for large customers, cheaper boxes for small biz French hosting and web services slinger OVH has squeezed out shiny new bare metal machines in its European data centres.…

BS's cloud software to manage Dell switch hardware The newly public Dell EMC is to OEM Big Switch Networks software and wrap it up in Dell's own Ready Stack converged systems.…

Home of CRN UK, Computing and others warn remaining readers to update their freakin' passwords Updated UK events and publishing outfit Incisive Media today urged subscribers to change their account passwords after it found an open port on a server had left it exposed to a buffer overflow or another remotely exploitable vuln.…

Plus: Azure Kubernetes world and Army cash for services Roundup While last week the Microsoft headlines were all about bonzer financial results, storage problems and, er, Microsoft Paint, other things were afoot in Redmond.…

Oh yeah? You’re busier than Bill fricking Gates?? Melinda Gates has written a book looking at gender inequality around the world through her experiences with the Gates Foundation, within the US and her own marriage.…

Hipsters rejoice as shares prepped for debut on New York Stock Exchange Slack - the collaboration software provider for hipsters - has filed to sell its shares on the New York Stock Exchange (NYSE).…

Ooooh, and lets not forget Manx Moon Stamps 'cos everyone loves an anniversary Round-up SpaceX's next ISS-bound launch was delayed, a new asteroid crater was made and some stamps for Apollo nostalgia fiends landed. El Reg has collated the past week's event in space for your delectation.…

What's Japanese for annus horribilis? 悪い年? Not a literal translation but you get the point 2019 is not looking to be a vintage year for Fujitsu, what with spending millions bidding for a mega-outsourcing contract it failed to win, shuttering offices in 19 countries in EMEA and now a redundancy programme causing trouble.…

Join the institute this June to up your cyber game Promo High-profile cases of successful attacks on critical industrial control systems show the growing importance of protecting your organization or facing a turbulent future. Malware delivered by ever more creative methods can find its way to plant floors, encrypting critical files or wiping them altogether.…

GCHQ offshoot shares infosec hair-raisers CyberUK 2019 If your hair isn't already grey enough, GCHQ staff have revealed a handful of infosec incidents that, in their words, "surprised us".…

Techie swiftly looks for a new job – but takes the 'embellishments' off his CV Who, Me? Welcome once more to Who, Me? your weekly shot in the arm with other readers' ugly tales of lost jobs and near-misses.…

Also, Mozilla looks at how healthy the internet really is Roundup Let's start the week with some bits and bytes of machine-learning news.…