The Register

Fun fact: We haven't dismantled a single one. Ever Storing Britain's obsolete nuclear submarines has cost the nation £500m – with some 1960s boats having been in storage for longer than they were in service.…

Screwdriver-botherers put the hurt on Apple's little tablet Despite being rated way behind Apple's iPhones in build quality due to copious glue squirted under the componentry, Cupertino's latest fun-sized tablet was praised by teardown gurus iFixit for actually having a headphone jack. Yes, it has come to that.…

That's 15 March btw, when Micro Focus dumped profitable bits SUSECON '19 SUSE CEO Nils Brauckmann could scarcely contain his glee as he bounded on stage to deliver his keynote before the thousand or so attendees at this year's SUSECON summit in Nashville, Tennessee.…

Prepare to scale the cookie wall Adtech industry body IAB Europe is facing down another data protection complaint from Brave browser bod Johnny Ryan, this time over the all-encompassing cookie wall stalking its site.…

Smart strategies for ambitious humans Elon Musk dreams of life on Mars, but why stop there? Why not dream really big? What would it take for a group of creatures – not necessarily those living on Earth – to colonise the entire universe?…

Slack motherboard firmware controls leave machines open to deep-rooted malware Gaming PC specialist Razer has been singled out for leaving its motherboards vulnerable to a well-known and critical firmware vulnerability.…

Take your media viewing ideas somewhere else In theory, the open source nature of web technology should allow anyone with the appropriate skills to innovate and implement an alternative browser.…

Sad news: It's probably not down to alien microbes The European Space Agency’s Mars Express spacecraft caught a massive whiff of methane from orbit, confirming an earlier gas detection on the Red Planet by America's Curiosity rover.…

Robot rides slow down but keep moving Intel Capital "My greatest fear is that we will hit the winter of AV (autonomous vehicles)," says Jill Sciarappo in response to an unwelcome question at the Intel Capital conference in Arizona – the US state that saw the first self-driving car death last year.…

What do you think I am? A chartered accountant? Autonomy Trial Ex-HP CEO Léo Apotheker had not read any of KPMG's due-diligence reports on Autonomy ahead of his company's $11bn acquisition of the British software maker, he told London’s High Court on Tuesday.…

npm uninstall iarna The cultural turmoil at JavaScript package management outfit NPM Inc, brought on by a leadership change and staff shakeup, has claimed another employee: product manager Rebecca Turner.…

Techie says he was grilled for three hours after refusing to let agents search his devices Former Mozilla CTO Andreas Gal says he was interrogated for three hours by America's border cops after arriving at San Francisco airport – because he refused to unlock his work laptop and phone.…

She faces two federal charges after apparently getting as far as reception A Chinese woman was caught sneaking into President Trump's Mar-a-Lago country club with a thumb drive of malware, it was claimed yesterday.…

Striding into its third decade, dev suite is now ready to Share It's a big day for Microsoft developers as Visual Studio 2019 for PC and Mac emerged, blinking, into the light of General Availability.…

To view this content, please click on the headline This week AR hype machine Magic Leap will finally – finally! – start selling its headset to the public but you'll need to go to one of three AT&T stores in Boston, Chicago or San Francisco, to buy them. And fork over more than $2,000 to get a pair.…

Airlines will have to wait few more weeks to get new code as engineers need more time Boeing yesterday warned it will take longer than expected to overhaul the anti-stall system in its 737 Max aircraft, the infamous safety mechanism that likely caused two deadly crashes.…

Give me sockets, give me DIMMs, give me Optane, give me all the speed Server slinger Supermicro has dropped the veil on its range of second generation Xeon SP servers with Optane DIMM support – just as Chipzilla itself reveals all the gory details on its latest chippery.…

New entry-level and mid-range bring NVMe fabric acceleration IBM has replaced its entry-level Storwize arrays with faster boxes and introduced an NVMe-oF accelerated mid-range.…

Amazing what some competition can do: Kicking Chipzilla up the data cache In a highly orchestrated global maneuver, Chipzilla today launched, to much of its own fanfare, its second-generation Xeon Scalable Processors for servers – chips previously codenamed Cascade Lake.…

Firm pushes its customers to containers, recoils from Hadoop Users might want containerisation to separate compute and storage for data analytics but few fully understand it, according to MapR, which has launched a set of integrations with Kubernetes.…

Running HPE Helion? Time to start thinking about that 'seamless' transition SUSECON '19 At its Nashville SUSECON gathering, the German open-source software maker told more than a 1,000 attendees that version 1.4 of its Cloud Application Platform (replete with Kubernetes goodness) and its take on OpenStack Rocky will be inbound before the month is out.…

Bad guys are settling in, putting their feet up for the long haul Network intruders are staying longer and going after wider swathes of machines with their attacks.…

Find out at Continuous Lifecycle London this May Events Adopting DevOps, Containerisation and Continuous Delivery doesn't mean compromising on security - and if you want proof, just check out the conference sessions at Continuous Lifecycle London, 2019.…

Damian Collins' band just can't quit fake news, babe UK Parliament's digital committee, keen to ride its post-Facebook probe publicity wave, has launched a sub-committee on disinformation to dig into the issues raised during its high-profile report.…

Fulfilment promise fulfilled Amazon staffers – one dressed as a Big Red piñata – have taken to Twitter to celebrate shutting down their last Oracle database used in the retail side of the organisation.…

Massive outage across energy firm Centrica's app estate Brit energy company Centrica's Hive smart home devices went missing in action this morning with a major outage confirmed across much of the app estate, forcing users to tweak manual controls for heating, hot water and surveillance cameras.…

UK taxman's digital boss talks living with Amazon OpenInfra Days UK 2019 The British tax man loves the cloud, but anyone who thinks public infrastructure can be run by a skeleton crew should think again: HMRC has no fewer than 4,000 IT staff who deliver around 140 digital services.…

And that's a quote from its 2010 accounts Autonomy Trial Former HP top man Léo Apotheker told the High Court yesterday morning that Mike Lynch described Autonomy to him as a "pure-play software company".…

Fancy a slice of SLES for SAP? SUSECON '19 Veteran Linux slinger SUSE kicked off its Nashville shindig, SUSECON 2019, with a slew of new tech to gladden the hearts of enterprise fans.…

Violent Fierce Lion makes $5m in Middle Kingdom compared to Prooi's $260k at home Move over Disney superheroes and endless reboots – a three-year-old B movie has proven that Narnia can tell what's going to be the mane attraction (sorry – Ed), and that China is the market to crack.…

Devs strip code from toolkit amid blogger dramarama A British web-dev outfit has denied allegations it deliberately hid code inside its WordPress plugins that, among other things, spammed a rival's website with junk traffic.…

And from all different angles you want Intel Capital One of the most maddening aspects of live sports may not just disappear in the next two years but may actually become, well, awesome.…

You satmad, bro? Misinformation coming from Russia isn't merely an internet phenomenon; it also affects navigation systems.…

His Muskiness praises Tencent's car hacking boffins for the warning, fixes bugs Video The Autopilot feature in Tesla Model S vehicles could be fooled into swerving across lanes into oncoming traffic by mere stickers on road, researchers discovered. The eggheads also found a way to take control of the flash motor's steering with a wireless gamepad.…

One panellist quits, another decides to stay and listen Over a thousand Google employees and members of the machine-learning community have signed a petition urging the ad giant to remove Kay Coles James, president of conservative think tank the Heritage Foundation, from its external AI ethics board.…

Meanwhile, another Edge, IE zero-day emitted online Google has released the April edition of its monthly Android security updates, including fixes for three remote-code execution vulnerabilities in the mobile OS.…

IT cloud baron's device pillaged, Feds told, while mag denies any hacking, spying Remember that sordid and strange tale of the National Enquirer publishing Jeff Bezos's sexts sent to his new girlfriend, and then trying to blackmail the billionaire biz baron?…

Chipzilla no longer a passive investor, we're told Intel Capital Remember when "disruption" was the big buzz word – before tech bros managed to ruin it for everyone? Well, like denim jackets, it's back, baby!…

Layoffs at JavaScript package registry raise questions about fate of community resource NPM, Inc, the company behind the widely used NPM JavaScript package repository, stands for Node Package Manager. Inside the small but vital biz, the name gave rise to an alternative de-abbreviation, Nice People Matter – but that might be about to change.…

Firm warns of $1.1bn deficit, continued net losses after Hortonworks merger Cloudera has an accumulated deficit of $1.1bn and warned in this year's annual report that it expects to continue making a net loss "for the foreseeable future", especially as it splashes extra cash on its merger with Hortonworks.…

'Are you serious?' replies lawyer Autonomy Trial Former HP CEO Léo Apotheker has claimed that if controversial British software company Autonomy's accounts were accurate, "I doubt that HP would have pursued an acquisition of Autonomy at all" – even as he admitted he himself hadn't read its quarterly results before getting HP to buy it in 2011.…

Besieged Autonomy CEO, CFO both had fingers in the startup Darktrace, the security startup backed in part by Mike Lynch, the exec currently involved in a big civil fraud case being heard at the UK's High Court, has nearly doubled turnover and reported deeper losses.…

Seeks willing body to 'take services live' plus another senior type for networks role The UK's taxman is looking for a head of networks and a boss for Crown Hosting and enterprise cloud services and have offered each taker between £90k and £115k to become part of its IT and digital services teams.…

Engineer didn't show? Service later than planned? Providers need to cough up from today Relax, alopecia sufferers or those unfortunate enough to be genetically pre-disposed to baldness. You'll never again – or at least not nearly as much – need to pull your hair out in frustration over crap broadband services.…

Big Red flag: UK transport biz made to pay £800 after tech vendor wins appeal Croydon biz Oracle101 has been ordered to change its name and pay Big Red £800 after the tech titan complained about the upstart's moniker.…

China's OneSpace smiles through explosion and 'nauts change out ISS batteries Roundup While US vice president Mike Pence directed NASA to put boots on the Moon before Trump's second term 2024 is out, last week demonstrated how hard space can be.…

Also: Microsoft publishes an analysis into a third party vulnerability. Which third party? Hint: it rhymes with "My Way" Take some time to ease yourself into Monday with a round-up of some tales from Redmond in the last week that you may have missed.…

Stunt photo sensation fails everyday people Special Imaging Report Swaggering with cash, flashy and vulgar – Huawei has barged into the high-end smartphone market, upsetting the duopoly like a new "noisy neighbour". Huawei issued a challenge to Apple and Samsung – "welcome to smartphone photography". They were the real imaging champs until recently.…

Community work order slapped on infosec biz MD Paul Cox The managing director of security reseller Quadsys, who pleaded guilty to stealing sensitive data from a rival some years back, has again appeared in front of a judge, this time to admit assault.…

Machine-learning updates in a digestible chunk Roundup Here's a quick roundup of what's been going on in the world of machine intelligence.…