The Register

Let's be honest, probably for the best no one could buy the record Who, Me? Monday mornings are your time to grimace with other Reg readers over their technical mishaps in our weekly column – Who, Me?…

Read on for free visitor passes to Europe’s largest ITSM expo Promo Celebrating its 25th anniversary, The Service Desk & IT Support Show (SITS), Europe's leading IT service management exhibition and conference, takes place on 1-2 May, 2019, in its prestigious new home at ExCeL.…

A quick summary of infosec news to start your week Roundup Last week we saw someone admit hoarding NSA documents, a Huawei patch bungle, and an axe looming for DXC security employees.…

From nowhere to somewhere with numbers coming any time now, promise, maybe, um... An industry analyst has claimed that revenue numbers for NetApp's hyperconverged product, absent so far, could appear soon.…

From the folks that had nothing to do with the 2017 BA outage CBRE, the world’s largest commercial real estate services and investment firm, has launched a speciality brokerage focused on data centres.…

Watch a flying shotgun blast capitalist scum balloon, socialist devil model airplane Video Russian engineers have turned a humble drone into a formidable terrifying cataclysmic weapons platform, by, well, strapping a gun to it.…

Gizmo axed because it wasn't good enough, ran too hot Apple's latest foray into wireless charging has ended with the cancellation of the AirPower, the white disc that was supposed to be able to power multiple iThings simultaneously.…

VISA: It's everywhere (on the system bus) you want to be Researchers at the Black Hat Asia conference this week disclosed a previously unknown way to tap into the inner workings of Intel's chip hardware.…

Ax falls on staff as customers seemingly slow to embrace subscription model Virtualization and networking biz Citrix has been quietly cutting jobs in California, North Carolina, and Florida, in the US, The Register has been told, but the company refuses to comment on the claims.…

26 and 24-year-olds slapped with suspended sentences, community work orders The Brit who ran the BuildFeed website of Windows leaks has been handed a suspended prison sentence – along with a former Malwarebytes bod who hacked into Microsoft's internal OS development networks.…

But only if trade talks are successful Chinese government could open the local data centre and cloud market to US firms as part of a deal aimed at ending the ongoing trade tariff war between the two countries.…

Handing over info on migration status deters crime reports, say rights groups UK cops' sharing of data with the Home Office will be probed by oversight bodies following a super-complaint from civil rights groups, it was confirmed today.…

It's not Irn-Bru, but you can't have everything Dutch liquid cooling specialist Asperitas and British systems integrator Boston have linked arms on a range of server systems based on "immersion cooling" – with the hardware submerged in giant tubs of mineral oil, a dielectric compound very similar to Vaseline or baby oil.…

Plus: Next week Mad Leo's on the stand Autonomy Trial If Autonomy's accounts were fraudulent, an awful lot of people must have been part of the scam, its former CFO Sushovan Hussain's barrister told the High Court in London yesterday.…

That unmanageable thicket of info is a gold mine for your business Sponsored webcast The volume of data many organisations have to deal with today is becoming so vast that they can barely make sense of it.…

Mobile app down, website 'may be working slowly or unavailable' "Exciting, revolutionary UK high street bank" Metro Bank is having an exciting, revolutionary lie-down today as its mobile app falls over and its website totters.…

Rotating CEO calls out US's 'loser attitude' as smartphones sell like hotcakes Hard-pressed Huawei today chortled at the US government's "loser attitude" as it reported (PDF) healthy double-digit bounces in both its top and bottom line, lifted by the rise of its smartphones and enterprise gear.…

Only took five months, and look, 19H1's almost here Microsoft has confirmed that Windows 10 1809, aka the Update of the Damned, is now ready for "broad deployment."…

Scheme to test compliance of innovative products accepting applications until 24 May The UK's data protection watchdog has said it wants to "get its hands dirty" as it launched a scheme that will help it figure out how to regulate innovative products using personal data before they get on to the market.…

Remember the space station so big you could fly a jet-pack inside? Film review As NASA gears up to celebrate to 50 years since the first Moon landing, another anniversary is rolling around. It is 45 years since the last crew left Skylab and 40 since the station spread itself over a chunk of Australia.…

Firm to prise its platform away from Spanish owner Sabadell IT meltdown bank TSB is taking control of its technology and banking platform amid speculation about the bank's relationship with Spanish owner Sabadell.…

Enjoy the silence... while you still can Something for the Weekend, Sir? Your safe, cosy home is to become a place of weeping and gnashing of teeth. Don't worry, this is quite normal. It's how you will communicate with your next-generation smart devices.…

Serverless Computing London 2019: Blind bird ticket offer ends soon Whether you're planning your first foray into Functions, are ready to get your initial Lambda experiments into production, or want to take your current FaaS set-up to the next level, you should join us at our Serverless Computing London conference.…

Actually forget the yoga, sea of suits better attend biz sessions. And no pesky kids this time plz Balinese people – especially those in hospitality – are advised to boff up on IBM protocol of not daring to look at, talk to or share toilet space with top execs before the crew descends on the island in May.…

Bruce Vs Sheila: The Floppy Disk Files On Call It is with great pleasure that El Reg welcomes you once more to On Call, your weekly dose of tech support traumas and triumphs.…

After all these political shenanigans, a one-way trip to the Red Planet doesn't sound so bad While Mars looks like a sterile, bleak, and dry wasteland, pockets of salty water may lie deep beneath that rust-colored dust, according to a paper published Thursday in Nature Geoscience.…

One binary to rule them all Mozilla this week announced a project called WASI (WebAssembly System Interface) to standardize how WebAssembly code interacts with operating systems. If the project succeeds, it will do what Oracle's Java Virtual Machine does, but better and more broadly.…

Immersive training courses will help you keep your networks and data safe Promo With cyber-attacks on the rise and constantly taking new forms, organisations rely more than ever on skilled IT security staff who can detect and deal with vulnerabilities in their systems.…

Dying space rock spurts out twin streams of debris Pic The Hubble Space Telescope has captured a rare moment of an asteroid breaking apart, leaving trails of glittering dust in its wake.…

'Hoarder' faces up to nine years in the clink for harvesting Uncle Sam's top secrets Ex-NSA contractor Harold Martin has admitted he took home piles of top-secret US government reports and other materials, contrary to security rules and basic common sense.…

POGO says no-go on money-pit jet fighter The F-35 aircraft remains woefully unprepared against malware infections and other cyber-attacks, according to POGO – the respected non-profit watchdog Project on Government Oversight.…

Nah, of course we're not in favor of vigilante malware knackering people's PCs Hacktivists are spreading booby-trapped copies of the New Zealand mass shooter's Islamophobic rantings, in what is being described as an online "vigilante" operation.…

Google security engineer emits SR20 PoC exploit after manufacturer fails to respond TP-Link's all-in-one SR20 Smart Home Router allows arbitrary command execution from a local network connection, according to a Google security researcher.…

Big win for Renée James' crew Cloud provider Packet has upgraded its most powerful Arm-based servers with 32-core CPUs from Ampere – a plucky startup led by former Intel president Renée James.…

Brad Anderson talks going native and attaching electrodes to journalists Interview We formally bumped into Brad Anderson, Microsoft's corporate veep of Enterprise Experiences, at the software giant's London offices recently amid excited spurtings about the Windows Virtual Desktop (WVD) and the newly de-Windowed Microsoft Defender.…

It's not a great look for the home of GDPR, y'know MEPs have urged the Council of the European Union and the bloc's data protection board to take action against cookies following a report about widespread use of commercial trackers on EU websites.…

Hyperscaler demand for colo space growing in double digits Rather than eating into colocation providers' revenues, public cloud vendors have emerged as their fastest-growing customer category.…

WTF? And the screen is on the outside... Chinese tat bazaar Xiaomi has emitted another teaser video for its foldable phone, confirming that vendors are taking different design approaches to the challenge.…

Hyperconverged infrastructure in an itty-bitty box Cisco has buddied up with with Schneider Electric on a range of reference designs for micro data centres, featuring its HyperFlex hyperconverged infrastructure appliances.…

Tech trio put Accenture, EY, WPP on advisory council for 'Open Data Initiative' Organisations that fancy pushing data from Adobe, Microsoft and SAP platforms into a single data lake will soon be able to – and it won't just be on Azure – the firms have said.…

Greenock, bonnie Scotland, ladies and gentlemen Tis a dowie day whin a swan cannae donder doon th' wynd wi'oot bein' pestered by th' polis.…

HCSEC pulls no technical punches in annual report Britain's Huawei oversight board has said the Chinese company is a threat to British national security after all – and some existing mobile network equipment will have to be ripped out and replaced to get rid of said threat.…

Peter Thiel's firm said to have won face-off against Raytheon Trump fan Peter Thiel's data-mining biz Palantir has reportedly won a lucrative US Army contract, prising it out of the hands of established defence supplier Raytheon.…

Maybe they're just smart enough... Don't panic, the Glassholes aren't returning. We think.…

Solve tricky maths in a fraction of the time... supposedly Canadian startup D-Wave Systems has extended the availability of its Leap branded cloud-based quantum computing service to Europe and Japan.…

Hilary Mason: Agile 'doesn't work for research', we need to build 'network' workflow Interview Data science as a profession has a lot of maturing to do, with workflows up to a decade behind those of software engineers and tools that make collaboration hard, according to Cloudera's general manager for machine learning.…

San Jose peeps tout distance-killing file data access California networking startup Vcinity said this week that its networking products shunted a petabyte of data 7,000km in under 24 hours, providing access to remote files thousands of kilometres away with a 250ms round trip time.…

Chinese kit slinger was told of UPnP flaw in 2013, didn't do too much about it Exclusive Huawei bungled its response to warnings from an ISP's code review team about a security vulnerability common across its home routers – patching only a subset of the devices rather than all of its products that used the flawed firmware.…

Watch this science friction in action Video Researchers claim to have trained an autonomous vehicle to drive as well as an amateur race-car driver, a skill set that could be used to build safer artificially intelligent motorists, in theory.…

Action packed day offers training, networking with over 12,000 people Promo Whether you are still considering a move to the cloud or already a seasoned user, you should find plenty to interest you at the AWS Summit London on Wednesday, 8 May, 2019.…