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Updated 2025-09-23 06:18
Dedric Lawson's Game Shouldn't Work, But It Does
The Kansas Jayhawks under Bill Self have been so consistently good that their dominance of the Big 12 may be getting a bit boring. But if there’s ever been an especially dull Kansas squad, at least at first glance, it’s the one that’s been on the court so far this year. The Jayhawks look incredible, no doubt—they’re…Read more...
A Brief Update On Drew
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Visionary Brain Genius Elon Musk Has Invented The World's Worst And Most Expensive Subway
If you are anything like me, many times you have been riding the subway and have had the thought, “What is wrong with this dang subway is that it is not exponentially more expensive and slower than this.” Many times you have seethed, through clenched teeth, “Goddammit, it just churns my guts that this subway does not…Read more...
Unbeaten Buffalo May Not Be Big-Time, But They're No Fluke
The Buffalo Bulls continued their undefeated season on Tuesday night, moving to 11-0 on the year with perhaps their most impressive win to date. After a rough start that saw them down nine early on, the Bulls rode a late charge and defeated Syracuse at the Carrier Dome 71-59. Along with an overtime win on the road at…Read more...
Report: Prophecy Fulfilled As Raiders Sign Nathan Peterman
Reggie McKenzie is no longer there to prevent this from happening. The gods have foretold this. It is written.Read more...
Video Shows Skins' Montae Nicholson Flooring Man With Knockout Punch [Update]
Washington safety Montae Nicholson was arrested early Tuesday morning outside of World Of Beer in Ashburn, Va. and charged with assault and battery and being drunk in public. His girlfriend Sydney Maggiore was charged with malicious wounding and assault and battery, and both were taken to the Loudoun County Adult…Read more...
Merry Early Christmas! Here's a Hot Deal on the BioLite FirePit.
We’ve been fans of the BioLite FirePit Outdoor Smokeless Fire Pit Grill since it first hit Kickstarter. It’s easy to transport, minimizes smoke, is see-through for maximum fire viewing, uses wood or charcoal, and doubles as a hibachi grill. (The secret is an advanced circulation system that’s powered by a removable…Read more...
Behold, the Worst Driving Video Game Ever
Guess what, pals? We’re starting a new series called Torch’s Old-Ass Video Game Basement, because I’m Torch, and I have a bunch of old-ass video games in my basement. Where I work, like a dirty troll. Since this is still Jalopnik, the world’s premiere webbed-site about cars and their marker lamps, I’ll be focusing on…Read more...
Skateboarding Gave Double-Amputee Felipe Nunes His Life Back
Brazilian skater Felipe Nunes lost both of his legs at the knee in a train accident when he was six years old. At age 13, he picked up skateboarding—at first, simply a way to get around without a wheelchair. Now, at 19, he’s one of the world’s most intriguing skateboarders, having basically reinvented the sport…Read more...
Last Call For Switchmas: Buy a Switch, Get a $25 Amazon Gift Card
If you missed out on all the Black Friday Switch deals, there’s still time to (sort of) save right now. Amazon’s tossing in a $25 Amazon.com gift card when you buy the console today, which’ll get you nearly halfway to the mandatory copy of Smash. Or the mandatory copy of Breath of the Wild. Or Mario Odyssey. Or Mario…Read more...
College Hoops' Most Brutal Losing Streak Is Over
The streak wasn’t mentioned much. Sure, everyone wearing a purple Eutectics hoodie on campus knew that the St. Louis College of Pharmacy men’s basketball team hadn’t won a game in four years—that sort of ineptitude earns a modicum of notoriety—but future pharmacists don’t generally spend upwards of $35,000 a year to…Read more...
LeBron's Photographic Recall Doubles As Good Parenting Tool
Today in highly curated but genuinely heart-warming parenting moments: LeBron delivering a pick-me-up talk to teary 11-year-old son Bryce after a basketball game. The specificity really sells it:
Donald Trump Has To Give Up Autographed Tim Tebow Gear He Bought With Charity Money. Sad!
It’s entirely possible—and would have been merciful—if you briefly blacked out under the strain of constant Trump scandals unearthed during his presidential campaign, and missed this one. If so, it’s worth rectifying that: Few scandals so better display our president’s venality, his poor business acumen, and his…Read more...
Mother Of Addison Russell's Child Shares Details Of Mistreatment
Chicago Cubs shortstop Addison Russell was suspended 40 games by MLB last year for violating the league’s domestic violence policy. The suspension followed his ex-wife, Melisa Reidy-Russell, sharing details of the abuse she says she suffered at Russell’s hands while they were married. Now, another woman, Mallory…Read more...
The Biggest Video Game Disappointments of 2018
2018 was the best of times, and the worst of times. We’re here to talk about that second bit, though we’re keeping things focused on video games. If we went any broader, this would take all day.
Wednesday's Best Deals: "Free" GTA, Winter Coats, $229 iPads, and More
The best price we’ve seen on the latest iPad, reader-favorite travel mugs, and a huge sale on coats are here to get you over the hump.Read more...
Carrie Underwood's Sunday Night Football Theme Sucks And Nobody Should Kiss Her Sensitive Ass
On Sunday night, Sports Illustrated producer Jessica Smetana delivered, to no one in particular, a mild criticism of the very bad Sunday Night Football theme performed by Carrie Underwood. The musician saw it and was mad.
Nikola Jokic's Doughy Shoulders Can Carry The Load
Sometimes it’s hard to imagine soft-bodied, sweet-passing Nuggets center Nikola Jokic as the kind of blue-chip superstar who can carry a team all by himself. Part of this is due to that aforementioned body, which manages to be both gangly and plump, and totally out of place during an era in which the NBA is ruled by…Read more...
Always Have a Hot Drink on Hand With Amazon's Last-Minute Contigo Mug Sale
Cold drinks in winter should be a crime. Keep your beverages toasty warm for hours on end with our readers’ most beloved Contigo’s Autoseal West Loop insulated travel mug, now on sale in Amazon’s Gold Box. Both 16- and 20-ounce mugs are available in metallic and matte finishes for $9 to $17. And while Contigo will…Read more...
Report: Oh God Yes, Jon Gruden Is "Very High" On Nathan Peterman
Former Bills quarterback Nathan Peterman is reportedly doing the rounds this week, hoping to catch on at the bottom end of some poor team’s depth chart and begin rebuilding his football career. He worked out with the Buccaneers on Tuesday, and his tour will reportedly soon take him out west, where a certain…Read more...
Mason Plumlee Did What Now?
The Nuggets have that glow these days. Competent role-players are oozing out of the woodwork. Dumb shots are falling. Mason Plumlee is dusting Harrison Barnes with a slick behind-the-back dribble and a lefty scoop layup to beat the buzzer and put a goofy exclamation point on a 74-point first half, wait what—Read more...
Better Than Black Friday: Get the Latest iPad For $229
Let’s face the facts; you don’t need the iPad Pro. The standard 2018 iPad is a terrific tablet for both consuming and creating media. (And it works with the Apple Pencil, the first non-Pro model to do so.)Read more...
Jarrett Allen Summons Hysterical Strength To Stuff LeBron James
They say that in times of intense stress, human beings can manage to perform impossible, superhuman feats of “hysterical strength.” I can’t think of a more terrifying situation than seeing LeBron James barreling directly at you with eyes on a monster slam, but for young Brooklyn Nets big man Jarrett Allen, adrenaline…Read more...
Zion Williamson Bonked His Forehead On The Damn Backboard
We are used to Zion Williamson’s rare combination of dump truck size and comic book athleticism putting the opposition in grave danger, but this is maybe the first sign that young Zion can truly fuck himself up if he isn’t real careful out there:Read more...
Penny Hardaway Tells Rick Barnes "Get The Fuck Out Of Here" After Feisty Press Conference
Tennessee’s 102-92 victory over Memphis on Saturday featured a very chill imitation of a scuffle between the two teams in the final minute. A few days after the game, however, this once-lean beef is starting to look pretty appetizing. At his Tuesday press conference, Memphis first-year coach Penny Hardaway threw some…Read more...
How On God's Green Earth Did This Ball Not Go In?
AZ Alkmaar plastered PEC Zwolle in the Dutch Cup today by a score of 5-0. However, due to some wicked backspin and an insanely precise smack off the crossbar and the possible imposition of dark magic, AZ forward Mats Seuntjins’s 15th-minute strike somehow was not one of those five goals:Read more...
The Top 10 Deals of December 18, 2018
We see a lot of deals around the web over on Kinja Deals, but these were our ten favorites today.
Nimble's Green Charging Gear Keeps Your Phone Battery Out of the Red
I’m as guilty as anyone of stockpiling unused tech accessories in my drawers, but a new charging accessory company called Nimble really made me stop and think about where all this stuff comes from, and where it goes when we’re done with it. And yeah, they also make good products.
The Real Star Of Mike Piazza's Doomed Foray Into Italian Soccer Is His Wife
Over at The Athletic, author Robert Andrew Powell wrote an entertaining and comprehensive story about Mike Piazza’s disastrous two-year tenure as owner of third-tier Italian soccer team Reggio Emilia, and it has everything: Piazza’s obvious desire to recapture the thrill of his playing days (Piazza after a game: “I’ve…Read more...
I Can't Stop Thinking About Jim Nantz Calling Tom Brady "Mr. Cool"
Jim Nantz is too fundamentally bland as a human for a conflict of interest to be concerning, but what fresh hell was this? During Sunday’s Patriots-Steelers game, the CBS broadcaster betrayed his WASPy exterior with an ejaculated moment of unrestrained happiness for his good chum Tom Brady. “Mr. Cool”? What?
Cubs Owners Discussed Moving Team Out Of Chicago During Beef With Mayor
In the nine years since Monopoly-man-come-to-life Joe Ricketts and his cartoonishly wealthy progeny purchased the Chicago Cubs from the Tribune Company, the Ricketts dynasty—publicly represented by 55-year-old investment banker and public transit enthusiast Tom—have found themselves in repeated disagreement with the…Read more...
Former Marlins President David Samson Taunts Fleeced Taxpayers: "$1.2 Billion. Fuck You!"
Miami has arguably been hit harder by the pro sports stadium scam than any other city in America. When former Marlins owner Jeffrey Loria managed to get a publicly financed stadium built in 2012, he stuck Miami-Dade County with a stupefying bill that will eventually cost taxpayers $2.4 billion. Given these…Read more...
Spencer Dinwiddie Is A Refreshing Change Of Pace From The Standard Brandbot Athlete
Nets guard Spencer Dinwiddie—who after a patchy early career just inked a three-year, $34 million extension with Brooklyn, and seems to be a generally hilarious dude—has a refreshing worldview on the brands. Mike Vorkunov of The Athletic wrote about the population of NBA players who navigate the league without a…Read more...
Everywhere Is Gross
Today, we’re talking about chuds, Nick Foles, Home Depot, overpopulation, and more.Read more...
High School Football Coach And Catholic Priest Derail Funeral Of Teen Who Killed Himself
University of Toledo freshman Maison Hullibarger killed himself on Dec. 4. He was 18. Hullibarger’s Dec. 8 funeral in Michigan was spoiled by not only the Catholic priest overseeing the service, but his former high school football coach who wasn’t invited. Quite a team effort.Read more...
It's No Fun To Get Stuck Between Superstars
This excerpt from Sam Anderson’s new book Boom Town, a book on the rapid rise of Oklahoma City and its NBA franchise, joins the team at home for Game 46 of the 2012-13 season, and considers the least-heralded member of what looked at the time like a rising dynasty.Read more...
Ass Team Of The Week: The Lions Finally Crapped Their Season Into The Toilet
The Detroit Lions lost 14-13 to the Buffalo Bills on Sunday, a result that guaranteed both a losing season and official elimination from the playoffs. It’s never a good thing for a team to have its season effectively ended by a one-point loss, and it is an even worse thing to have that loss come against the damn…Read more...
Are You Going to Fuck Your Brilliant Friend, or What?
I once picked up the first novel in Elena Ferrante’s bestselling series, after the very impressive Argentine mother of a dear friend described the books as erotic masterpieces that can never be appreciated in America so long as they have such hideously Victorian book covers. When I abandoned this first attempt to…Read more...
Devin Booker Joins Rich Tradition Of Humiliating Enes Kanter
Way back in January of last season, Devin Booker was ejected from a game after gently shoving Enes Kanter in the Suns’ 107-85 loss to the Knicks. Kanter, being as exhaustingly online as he is, made an insipid meme depicting Booker holding a large “L” right after the game.Read more...
The Best Video Game Surprises of 2018
It’s that time again: time to take stock of the year that was 2018. We’ll start with the nice stuff.Read more...
James Harden Did A New Thing To Infuriate Everyone
James Harden is one of the very best basketball players in the world and the NBA would be worse off without his handles and shooting and creative abilities. He’s also an annoying pile of crap!
EartherNew Poll Shows Basically Everyone Likes Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez’s Green New Deal | Jalopnik
Earther New Poll Shows Basically Everyone Likes Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez’s Green New Deal | Jalopnik The 2019 Ford Ranger Isn’t the Ranger You Remember, but It’s Good at What It Does | Kotaku Switch’s New NES Controllers Do More Than You Might Think | Skillet A Use For Those Dumb Whiskey Stones Someone Gave You | The…Read more...
CC Sabathia Got To Curse Out The Rays AndGot His $500,000 Bonus
CC Sabathia finished the 2018 regular season six outs shy of a performance bonus in his contract that would have paid him $500,000 for reaching 155 innings. He would have gotten it, had life and Tampa Bay not intervened. In his final start he was rolling through five, having thrown only 55 pitches, when the Yankees …Read more...
José Mourinho's Failed Tenure At Manchester United Is Finally Over
After two-and-a-half bad and boring seasons at Manchester United, the club announced today in some euphemistic language that manager José Mourinho has been tossed out on his ass. This decision to get rid of Mourinho is both overdue and yet still surprising, which says so much about the ruinous state of what was once…Read more...
This One-Day Amazon Sale Is Just a Bunch of Actually Useful Stocking Stuffers For Handy People
Amazon’s run a few gift-friendly tool sales for the holidays, but today’s is specifically about stocking stuffers. Everything in the sale is physically (fairly) small, and on sale for under $45.
Everyone Needs Drinkware, So Grab a Last Minute Gift From Amazon's Stanley Sale
Stanley drinkware is ostensibly designed for camping, but that trademark hammertone green will look great on your desk at work too (unless it’s the flask, maybe keep that in a drawer).
Report: The Tessitore-Witten-McFarland Trio Will Be Back For The 2019 NFL Season
The Joe Tessitore-Jason Witten-Booger McFarland Monday Night Football crew has been very, hmm, uneven in its first season. Tessitore is blandly Fine; Witten sometimes talks himself into dizzying circles; McFarland’s sideline scooter seems to produce an awful lot of confusion in his analysis. If you are a fan of…Read more...
Taj Gibson's Loose Shoe Temporarily Becomes Important Defensive Weapon
Taj Gibson lost his shoe on a post move early in the first quarter of tonight’s Kings-Timberwolves game. His shoeless layup went down, which is cool enough, but play did not stop, and so Gibson was forced to hoof it down to the defensive end in a sock, holding his shoe in his right hand.Read more...
Kerfuffle Erupts Between Thunder And Bitter, Tightly-Wound Bulls
The sad, demoralized Bulls are having their asses handed to them in Oklahoma City tonight. Perhaps the familiarity of another grim drubbing was more than they could bear—in the third quarter, down 21 points, they picked several fights all at once:Read more...
Maniac Football Coach Teams With Maniac Basketball Player To Deliver Watered-Down Gordon Gekko Speech To Impressionable Young Browns
This is just an unbelievably cursed combination of proper nouns: Browns head coach Gregg Williams used help from retired coin-operated fortune-teller Phil Jackson to arrange for dead-eyed thinkfluencer Kobe Bryant to deliver a motivational talk to his young team ahead of their week 15 game this past weekend.Read more...
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